With tongue firmly planted in cheek...

Artist I admire: Satoshi Kon

2010-10-05T17:25:00.000-07:00

This is a few weeks late. But, the world lost a giant in the world of Animation when Japan's Satoshi Kon died. He was an animation director who had directed such brilliant films as the terrifying and tense "Perfect Blue"

the romantic and beautiful "Millenium Actress"

the heartwarming and wonderful "Tokyo Godfathers"

the surreal and sublime "Paprika"

He also directed the mindbending Television Series "Paranoia Agent"

It's rare when a director can span so many genres and can evoke so many different emotions. He was a visionary and a quote that I heard when Satoshi Kon died sums up exactly how I feel

"With Satoshi Kon's passing I'm not afraid that anime will never be the same. But that it will always be the same."

And that hits the nail on the head. He died of pancreatic cancer and he was able to write a heart-wrenching letter to his family, friends, and fans. If you feel like crying you can go check it out here. I'll post the last paragraph as it is a suitable end to this entry.

With my heart full of gratitude for everything good in the world, I'll put down my pen.
Now excuse me, I have to go.
Satoshi Kon

Everybody Draw Mohammed day

2010-05-19T15:48:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow is "Everybody Draw Mohammed" Day. And I find myself in a bit of a conundrum. On one hand I think it is ludicrous that artists and cartoonists can't draw or parody Mohammed like they would any other political or religious figure without fearing DEATH THREATS from extremist islamic sects. Yet, I know that I would feel pretty bad if my religion was singled out and something sacred was mocked openly.

I remember when this whole "don't draw Mohammed" stuff started. I remember thinking to myself "We should get a lot of people to draw him. They can't kill everyone, right?" And yet here we are on the eve of that actually happening, and I can't decide what to do.

Part of me feels like I should do something. But part of me doesn't want to be disrespectful. and yet another part of me wants to be cool and aloof and not care.

I can't decide. Most likely laziness will trump all and I will end up not doing anything.

Artists I Admire: Frank Frazetta

2010-05-10T13:16:00.000-07:00

Frank Frazetta died of a stroke today. And it is strange because I am more sad than I thought that I would be. I'm not depressed by any means. But I just didn't imagine that his death would affect me at all. So to feel this kind of pang of sadness is surprising.

I always liked Frank Frazetta's art. I thought his Conan was unparalleled and his Death Dealer was an inspired design. His environments were super moody and ominous. I liked that he drew women with big butts... but it wasn't off putting like R. Crumb's women with big butts.

Then I saw a movie called "Frank Frazetta: Painting with Fire" when I was exposed to more of his work. Aside from all of the fantasy stuff he painted, he also drew a lot more straight-forward comic book work. I particularly enjoyed his Western work. But that wasn't the big thing that I took away from this movie.

The whole movie they talk about how Frazetta is a natural artist. How he has almost perfect recall of his own visual library. How if he needed to draw a rabbit, he just sat there for a second thinking... then would proceed to draw out a perfect rabbit. Then, they talked about how he had a stroke so severe that he lost use of his right hand. His drawing hand. This is a terrifying thought to any artist. But, Frank Frazetta learned to draw with this left hand. And some say that he drew BETTER with his left than with his right.

Yeah he did "that Wolfmother cover"

It's that attitude, the whole death before dishonor mentality. The never say die work ethic. That is something that inspired me. And for that Frank Frazetta has forever earned my admiration.

Artists I Admire: Naoki Urasawa

2010-04-23T10:43:00.000-07:00

I've been getting into manga a lot lately. It really shouldn't be a big surprise since I read comic books from London. I read comic books from France. I read comic books in my underpants. So it would stand to reason that I would read comic books from Japan. Which is all manga is. Like Anime is just cartoons that are produced in Japan.

Most people deride Manga and Anime for the looking too simple. However, Manga and Anime are all about economy of line. It's about not playing an Ace when a 2 will do. Especially in Manga. Unlike American Comics which are produced monthly, Manga is produced WEEKLY.

Anyway, what got me started on this manga kick was the work of an artist named Naoki Urasawa. Junot Diaz, winner of the Pulitzer Prize for one of my favorite all-time books "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao", said "Urasawa is a national treasure in Japan, and if you ain't afraid of picture books, you'll see why."

Simply put, Naoki Urasawa is the best mangaka (Japanese comic book author) working today. Hands down.

What got my attention was a story called Pluto. Which was a retelling/continuation of Osamu Tezuka's Astro Boy story. Which in itself was a Pinocchio story. But, the little boy was a robot and not a puppet. But it is a more adult retelling.

Yeah this scene is just as sad as it looks.

Now please don't misunderstand. There are several connotations for the word "adult". One is basically "pornographic". The other is "dark and violent". Pluto is none of those things. There is conflict. Which often manifests itself physically through fight scenes. But, this is adult in the sense that it deals with complex themes that would most likely go over the heads of younger audiences.

But what is great about Urasawa's work is the nuance and emotion that he injects into each of his characters. And that emotion comes spilling off the page.

After reading Pluto and being supremely satisfied I wanted more. My friend Matt insisted that I check out Urasawa's Magnum Opus "20th Century Boys". My brain was subsequently melted by the awesomeness therein.

"20th Century Boys" is a sprawling epic that spans decades yet it is never boring. Urasawa not only is a master of emotion, he also weaves mystery and horror elements into his stories. And "20th Century Boys" is a shining example of that. He creates a mood and a feeling. And is exceptionally adept at doing so.

Urusawa is a master in the truest sense of the word. He is an amazing writer as well as fantastic artist. And he serves as an inspiration to me to write my own stories and to execute them visually.

Artists I Admire: R.M. Guera

2010-03-04T11:13:00.000-08:00

I just recently got caught up on a comic book called "Scalped" written by Jason Aaron and Illustrated by R.M. Guera about a war veteran Dashiell "Dash" Bad Horse who returns to his home, The Prairie Rose Indian Reservation, which is run by the ruthless Chief Lincoln Red Crow. I know that it sounds like "Walking Tall" but with Indians. But, I assure you it that is not the case. It's more like Sopranos and The Shield on an Indian Reservation. Basically it's amazing. And most of that praise is due to R.M. Guera's amazing artwork.

I would best describe Guera's artwork on Scalped as Neil Adams meets Sergio Toppi inked with a ragged quill pen. It truly is amazing work. His compositions and use of light and dark are complicated and challenging. While his rendering adds a fine layer of grit which this story of a dusty and old community requires.

But the best part is that his other work is equally awesome for completely different reasons!

But, overall, his work inspires me to improve my work. While many artists are all style and no substance. Guera is a lot of style and rock solid substance. You can tell beneath those inky black shadows there are extremely well composed forms.

Instead of focusing on crappy artists who rip off other artists like Nick Simmons. I want to try to focus on artists who inspire me and help me to get better and to work harder.

Oscars... what a friggin' joke.

2010-03-03T12:00:00.001-08:00

I have long since given up on a lot of awards ceremonies. Grammys, Emmys, Golden Globes, and especially the Oscars. When I was a kid I used to freaking love awards shows. I would watch them all, including American Music Awards, the MTV VMA and Movie Awards shows. Because I wanted to see quality and excellence rewarded to specific audiences. But, there was one year in particular when I knew that a wrong-doing had been committed and I stopped caring about awards shows.

The Oscars have had a long-standing tradition for giving the best movies the shaft for no apparent reason. But, there was one year I watched and I completely became aware as to what a crock the Academy for Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. It was 1998. And a little historical fiction movie called "Saving Private Ryan" had rocked the movie watching world to its core. It was a war movie of epic scope and realistic portrayal. And it was ball-rattlingly awesome and it brought and continues to bring hardened, grown men to tears. Everyone who had seen it knew that it was hands down the best movie they had seen all year. Except for the Academy! They apparently had seen "Shakespeare in Love" and thought, "My stars and garters what a delightful ROMP! This is much better than that icky war movie." and they gave "Shakespeare in Love" the academy award for BEST PICTURE. Are you effing kidding me? I was only 15 at the time and I knew... the Oscars are a sham.

I'm bringing this up now because this year they again have nominated one of the best movies I have seen, "The Hurt Locker". And I thought that maybe they would regain some credibility in my book. That maybe the best movie would win. The Academy has zero excuse to not give "The Hurt Locker" best picture. It swept the Baftas. It won the directors guild awards, Producers guild awards, and the Critics awards. It didn't win the Golden Globes, but the Golden Globes are all purchased anyway ("I used to not be good at a lot of things. Until I found you can buy trophies. Now, I'm good at everything."-Demetri Martin). Anyway, it looked like there was a clear cut winner of Best Picture. There would be no excuse to not give it the award. Until a couple of weeks ago.

One of the producers, Nicholas Chartier, wrote an email to a lot of members of the Academy. Here is the actual email text.

I hope all is well with you. I just wanted to write you and say I hope you liked Hurt Locker and if you did and want us to win, please tell (name deleted) and your friends who vote for the Oscars, tell actors, directors, crew members, art directors, special effects people, if everyone tells one or two of their friends, we will win and not a $500M film, we need independent movies to win like the movies you and I do, so if you believe The Hurt Locker is the best movie of 2010, help us!

I’m sure you know plenty of people you’ve worked with who are academy members whether a publicist, a writer, a sound engineer, please take 5 minutes and contact them. Please call one or two persons, everything will help!

best regards,

Nicolas Chartier
Voltage Pictures

Nothing too bad, right? Well apparently this is a huge problem. Because now the academy is up in arms about the fact that the e-mail is hinting that it is in competition with Avatar (which it is.). It seems like a lot of the Academy people are deeply upset by this. So much so that there have been mentions of people asking for their ballots back so they can change their votes. AND! The producer is no longer invited to the Academy Awards! Doesn't this seem like a big time over-reaction?

It is. I don't mean to sound too much like a conspiracy theorist, but, I bet that the academy is manufacturing this whole campaign. Just so that they have a reason to not give the movie that deserves to be awarded the award. But, if I truly have lost faith in the academy awards why is any of this a surprise?

-I got a lot of this info through the movie blog filmdrunk.uproxx.com

Plagiarist's Delight

2010-03-02T10:58:00.000-08:00

There has been quite a bit of uproar on the internet lately about a comic book called "Incarnate" which rips off of a VERY popular Japanese Comic Book(or Manga for the uninitiated)"Bleach". The alleged plagiarist is Nick Simmons, son of Gene Simmons of the crappy-to-average rock band KISS.

Apparently, Nick Simmons has plagiarized from a laundry list of sources. Including two of the most popular mangas in THE WORLD and an artist on online artists' community DeviantArt.

The internet, which is full of nerds who find this kind of stuff, was lightning quick to catch the offenses and jumped on him like a honeybadger does on a cobra's nest.

Even after seeing the art work, I wanted to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. I imagined a mousy kid, who really loved comic books and manga and wanted to do one for himself and his Dad, the huckster that he is, used his fame to help his son out.

Even I, in my darker moments, have thought about using other artists' work to achieve the look I desired. But, I tell myself that if I do that then I am undermining my own artistic development.

Then he issued this statement:

“Like most artists I am inspired by work I admire. There are certain similarities between some of my work and the work of others. This was simply meant as an homage to artists I respect, and I definitely want to apologize to any Manga fans or fellow Manga artists who feel I went too far. My inspirations reflect the fact that certain fundamental imagery is common to all Manga. This is the nature of the medium.

“I am a big fan of Bleach, as well as other Manga titles. And I am certainly sorry if anyone was offended or upset by what they perceive to be the similarity between my work and the work of artists that I admire and who inspire me.”

Then I saw what he looked like...

F this guy. F him right in his A.

This is not the face of an earnest but untalented artist. This is the face of an over-privileged jack-ass who either didn't think or didn't care that he would get caught. It is one thing to swipe a hand or an arm. But to swipe entire panel compositions from a Manga that has sold something like 8 million copies in America alone? That's ballsy... and stupid.

And when he did get caught, did he fess up? Did he apologize? No. He used a tactic that is abundantly present in the behavior of a-holes and lawyers (I'd like to see that Venn Diagram). The ol' "I'm sorry you feel that way." People are demanding an apology but you don't want to admit to any wrong doing? "I'm sorry you feel that way."

Bottom line: This makes me mad for so many reasons. But, the biggest reason is that there are so many comic book artists that are more talented than this dork that have trouble getting work. And they actually need it! Whereas Nick Simmons, who won't have to work a day in his life because the KISS army keeps throwing money at his daddy, gets his book (a large portion of which was PLAGIARIZED) published. And I am closing my DeviantArt account for fear that Kip Winger's kid will rip off my work.

Winger - Headed For A Heartbreak from Augustin Blanchet on Vimeo.

Boom. Back in the game.

2010-02-24T23:12:00.001-08:00

So last week I had two EPICALLY crappy painting sessions. Sarah can attest that I cam home in the worst mood. That and some additionally home issues made for a rather dour mood in the homestead. But, this week? Oh man, I'm back in the game!

Both of these sessions were with the same model and with two light sources. The primary light source having an orange filter and a secondary having a green filter. This was the first week having green on our palette.

Up first we had Monday's painting session. I decided to try and use the entire 16x20 canvas. Which meant for some slow going. Here was the final result after two hours.

Not too bad. But, not great either. I think that trying to use the WHOLE canvas was just too much of a task for me in just two hours. And if there is one thing that I learned from Dirty Harry Callahan in the seminal classic film "Magnum Force" is that "a man must know his limitations."

So then we have the Wednesday session and I used an 8x10 canvas. Half the size of the previous one and this was the final result.

MUCH BETTER. I was definitely utilizing my time much better on the smaller canvas. And I was so much more satisfied with this one that I was with Monday's painting. And a bajillion times more satisfied with it than EITHER of my paintings from last week.

I came home super duper relieved. Like a weight had been lifted. I was sincerely concerned with my abilities after last week. But, after this week? I feel like I can actually do this art thing.

And it happens to me every class. I start out hot. I am doing really well for the first couple of weeks. Then I have a REALLY bad week. So bad that I am despondent to the point of giving it all up. But, then the next week I fall back into form and I feel like I can conquer the class. Hopefully, as the semester goes on I can finish 1 or 2 pieces that would be good for my admissions portfolio.

Information Overload

2010-02-22T11:23:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago Google came out with Google Buzz. I started using it and it was okay. I was hoping for something to combine all of my various social accounts (Facebook, Twitter, google reader sharing.) but found it lacking. Yet I still was trying to use it. Then came that moment of clarity. The moment when I realized that I don't NEED any of it. I don't NEED twitter. I don't NEED google buzz. I don't need LinkedIn. I don't even NEED facebook. So, I dropped google buzz. I'm planning on only reading on twitter. I'm going to trim my friends list on facebook down to only the people I care to remain in contact with. And I'm going to set my LinkedIn profile blank until I get to a point in my career where LinkedIn is an actual tool to be used. All this, in the hopes to ween myself off of these social networking things altogether.

I'll keep my blog because I feel that it is a viable outlet creatively and developmentally. And I'll most likely keep Facebook because I have made connections to dear friends that I had long lost contact with. But, I just want to cut out the fluff in my life. Really start focusing on what matters.

Has anybody else done this? How did they feel when they did it? How do they feel now? How about the people who have never jumped on the social networking wagon? Do you ever feel left out when people are talking about twitter and facebook and google buzz?

All the world loves a lover...

2010-01-19T12:19:00.000-08:00

It's my new year's resolution to live by these videos

My favorite part is when he whimsically throws his shirt. I am going to do that every friday night.

This is what bein' a man is all about. Choppin'wood, running with wild horses, flyin' choppers.

Y'know when I get tired of this workaday world I just need to get out in the wild and catch fish with my bare hands.

Top Five Movies of the Year that I have seen.

2009-12-30T10:56:00.000-08:00

I won't even bother trying to figure out my best movies of the decade mostly because I am really lazy and there have been way too many good movies. So, you just get this year. Here we go.

First I'd like to say that if I were to go back in time and tell my 8 year old self that in 2009 there would be movies based on Wolverine, Transformers and GI Joe made... and that I WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE ANY OF THEM... I'm sure I wouldn't have believed my future self. But, here we are.

Star Trek

Totally great. You know that feeling when you get a new electronic device and you peel off that plastic on the screen/high sheen plastic? Somehow JJ Abrams is able to direct a movie that prolongs that sensation of "oooh smooth and shiny" for 2.5 hours. I know that the lens flares bugged people. But, I liked it and I wouldn't have taken them out for anything. I know it wasn't the most academic of movies. But, most Michael Bay, Jerry Bruckheimer, etc. movies pretty much have to put in their advertisements "Try not to think". Whereas Star Trek sneaked around and switched off my thinking cap through sheer entertainment.

District 9

This movie barely edged out MOON for favorite hard Science-Fiction this year if only for the robot sequence and the tonnage of destruction meted out. District 9 was definitely more academic and thought-provoking than Star Trek. Just enough to really get you thinking but not enough for it to be considered preachy. I loved that it didn't have an answer to everything. We don't know why the aliens are there, how their ship broke down, and why they forgot how to pilot it. In a world where Superman's origin has to be constantly retold again and again, it's nice to see a movie that presents a situation and say "This is how it is. How it got that way has no bearing on the story we are trying to tell." Also, the makers of Avatar must have seen the giant robot sequence in this movie and realized that their giant robots were total snooze-a-thons in comparison.

The Hangover

Oh man. This movie. It's hard to talk about this movie without plunging into crazy cliched hyperbole (ie "Funniest Movie Ever!") So, I'll avoid all that by just saying that the world now knows (for better or worse) the awesomeness of Zach Galifianakis. It's awesome when a movie that Hollywood predicts is going to fail because it's cast is mostly "unknown" and then comes back to rule the comedy genre with an iron fist. Take that Hollywood fat cats! It's funny. Really funny.

The Hurt Locker

Holy crap. The Hurt Locker is easily the best action movie I have seen in a long time. It's a tense, taut, apolitical war movie about the guys that have to diffuse IEDs over in Iraq. One assessment I had heard that I whole heartedly agree with is that The Hurt Locker was "ball-rattlingly awesome." Directed by Katheryn "That's Right I Directed Point Break" Bigelow to perfection. It's interesting because she kind of eschews the method that has become Hollywood's madness she to which inadvertently gave birth. The shaky cam action sequence (with the amazing backyard chase scene in "Point Break") which has plagued action movies and it's viewers for the last few years was nowhere to be found(at least not that I can remember). Also: SNIPER DUEL! Any movie that has a sniper duel is immediately more awesome.

Drag Me To Hell

Easily, hands down, the MOST satisfying movie going experience I have had this year and may be ever. Never have I seen a movie that was clearly made with pure joy and fun in mind. I howled with laughter and then was scared out of my seat. It is a movie that belongs in my favorite, yet criminally underutilized genre of Horror-Comedy and it may have instantly become the best entry in that short list movies like it. It's not a gory movie in the sense of blood and guts (except for a sole, gut bustingly hilarious bloody nose bit.) and even got a PG-13 rating. However, it is not for the squeamish. The cartoonish glee with which Sam Raimi directed the movie effuses a sense of humor and care-free attitude that make me think that he must have had a blast making it. While I love the first two Spider-Man movies I get the feeling that Sam Raimi had to make this movie to shake loose the bonds of having to make a movie for other people (Marvel, Sony, fanboys, etc.) and make one strictly for himself and his own creative sensibilities. And it was a wonder to see.

Other movie thoughts. I saw Sherlock Holmes and I liked it a lot. I saw Avatar and didn't really like it. I saw Inglourious Basterds and didn't like it except for Brad Pitt and Chrisoph Waltz (who if he doesn't get Best Supporting Actor will confirm what I have always known that the Oscars are a complete sham.) and IRON MAN 2 TRAILER!!

May can't get here fast enough.

What about CHARACTER?

2009-12-08T15:32:00.000-08:00

I have no idea why but over the past few months I have been thinking about Pro Wrestling. Thinking back to the glory days of the 80s when Hulkamania ran wild over the whole country. And then I thought about the more gritty and dramatic(and violent) mid to late 90s when the Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin reigned supreme. And I thought about the early 2000s when I stopped watching and the state that wrestling was in. I found myself wondering "Where are all the characters?"

As many of you may know, I love comic books. And I can't think of anything closer to a live action comic book series than pro wrestling in the 80s. You had bright, colorful larger than life characters. You had Hulk Hogan, Superfly Jimmy Snuka, Brutus The Barber Beefcake, Irwin R. Shyster, Koko B. Ware, Jake the Snake, Mr. Perfect, Ravishing Rick Rude, Macho Man Randy Savage, Junkyard Dog, Iron Sheik, Andre the Giant, The Ultimate Warrior, The Bushwackers, The Rockers... The list can go on and on. These were heroes and villains. These were epic clashes of good vs. evil.

Then, in the mid 90s there was a shift. Gone were the days of gimmicks based on professions and loving stereotypes. Stone Cold Steve Austin brought in the "Attitude"-era. An era based on the Anti-Hero. Giving the finger to the establishment and drinking beer. You had, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin and De-Generation X, and Kane. All of them had gimmicks that were a bit more hazy... that weren't as easily defined as "an evil dentist who wrestles" but were basically raging egos of the people portraying them. When it boiled down to brass tacks they could be loosely associated with "good" and "evil", but they weren't really good guys or bad guys. They were all varying degrees of bad guys... but they were still characters. They had goofy names and gimmicks. But little to none of the humor that the guys in the 80s had.

Atlantic City Sweathogs... brilliant

But now, with pro-wrestling trying desperately to compete with MMA, their characters are basically just self-serious imitation MMA fighters who happen to jump off of ladders through tables wrapped in barbed wire. They mostly use real (or at least real sounding) names. Shelton Benjamin, Chris Jericho, John Cena, Randy Orton, Batista, Sheamus. All of them are basically "tough guys" who can't be defined as good or bad. It's just whoever you want to root for.

Perhaps one of my favorites of all-time

I think that pro-wrestling would gain at least one lost viewer back if it were to go back to these white hat/black hat characters. Having wacky gimmicks. Good guys who tell kids to drink milk, say their prayers and go to school. Who when the odds are stacked against them and it looks like they are going to lose the just shake their fists and fight bakc to win. And having bad guys who can only win if they throw salt in the eyes of the good guy when the ref isn't looking, or when their loudmouth manager holds the good guy's leg so he can't kick out of the pin in time.

I'm not saying one is better than the other. But, I just really want character back in pro-wrestling.

You're Welcome

2009-09-25T00:29:00.000-07:00

I still use the "finding out she's five" gag all the time.

And my favorite

"My fellow nerds and I will return to the nerdery, with our calculators."

2009-08-14T11:51:00.000-07:00

I was reading through the last few posts when I realized two things

1.)I'm totally awesome

2.)I am also a big nerd

Yes, you can be both. As I am living proof.

However, being a nerd, sometimes there are things that I feel that I should be into and that I have a kind of passing interest in... but I just am not into it.

Dungeons & Dragons
I love the idea of Dungeons & Dragons. Creating a character and then going on quests and adventures with said character. Making progress with that character and hanging out with friends rollin' D20s as if you were Ashy Larry at the World Series of Dice. It sounds like a crazy amount of fun.

However, for one reason or another I just can't get into it. Probably because whenever I have made an attempt at playing it it has been a miserable failure or just been too bogged down by rigid rules and regulations. When creating a character instead of focusing on how radical your dragon slayer sword is on your plainsriding Wizard King... you have to do points allocation. Or when you are playing the game and the Dungeon Master (the guy who basically is in charge of the game) says something like "there is a Chimera in an aggressive stance in front of you." and you respond with "I'm gonna slay that bitch!" there is always some BS restriction like "Oh your initiative score is too low." and frankly... it kills any fun. And normally, the other guys that are playing are big dorks. So that means either a.) they take the game way too seriously and make mouth noises for the action their character is performing, or b.) they don't take it seriously at all and they spend all their time making Monty Python jokes.

Also, D&D is time consuming. And frankly, I have neither the time nor the inclination to spend that much time being unproductive.

Doctor Who
I remember when I first started watching the new Battlestar Galactica (one of the better decisions I have made in my life) I thought "here we go down the slippery nerd slope" and thought that Battlestar would be a gateway to dorkier TV fare. Thankfully Battlestar Galactica was awesome and maintained my dignity. The pinnacle (or dregs depending on your point of view) of Geek TV is Doctor Who... but it shouldn't be.

A timeless defender of humanity that has radical gadgets and routinely adventures through time and space. Sounds totally great, right? Sounds right up my alley?

Wrong

Except that in almost all of his incarnations Doctor Who has been totally lame. The most enthusiasm I have been able to muster for Doctor Who is a mighty "meh". Maybe it's how the Brits think it is so clever to have a hero who doesn't look heroic (which has been done to much greater effect with John Constantine in the comic series "Hellblazer"). Maybe it is the fact that the bad guys are essentially trashcans.

Seriously?

I don't know what it is. But no television show has failed to capture my attention like Doctor Who has. Newsflash, if you don't want Doctor Who to look like the standard western idea of "heroic" that's fine. But, you don't have to make him look like a total toolbox.

Star Trek
I have watched the first airing of the first episode of every Trek series since The Next Generation. I have wanted to like Star Trek. Simply because I feel it is my duty as a comic book, anime, Video game, sci-fi loving dork to adore Star Trek. Because everyone else does. Nerds are always rattling on about how awesome Cpt. Kirk is. How awesome the adventures of Starship Enterprise are. Like I said before I have wanted to like Star Trek. But, I don't.

In fact, before the latest movie came out (which was AMAZING.) I hated all things Star Trek. I hated how non-tactile the show was. I hated the pie-in-the-sky idealism. I hated that there were galaxies upon galaxies available for exploration yet the same five races kept showing up. And! When a new race did show up it was always a one-off kind of situation and they were almost invariably lame (Native American planet, 1930's Gangster planet, Ancient Greece planet).

These guys get a pass because Frank Gorshin is awesome

There were aspects to some of the shows that I liked. I liked that Deep Space Nine had the concept of Section 31. I liked that Next Generation had a captain that actually lived up to the hype. But, overall, I don't like Star Trek. However, I do have enough knowledge on it so that I get the pop-cultural references to it. Even adopting them into my own lexicon ("spock with a beard", Red shirt, etc,)Thankfully the new movie took out all the things I hate (or adjusted them until they were cool) and kept the things I liked.

While my indifference or open disdain for these things kind of makes me feel like I should turn in my nerd card, I am kind of glad that I am not into all of these things. Because if I were... well, I prefer to not think about it.

Holy CRAP!!!!!

2009-08-10T15:05:00.000-07:00

The Ballad of G.I. Joe from Olivia Wilde

If they would have assembled the same cast for the GI Joe movie as they did for this Ballad of GI Joe. I would have waited in line for hours.

Zach Galifianakis as Snow Job
Alan Tudyk as Shipwreck
Julianne Moore as Scarlett
Henry Rollins as Duke
Alexis Bleidel as Lady Jaye
Olivia Wilde as Baroness
Vinnie Jones as Destro
Billy Crudup as Zartan
Sgt. Slaughter as himself
Tony Hale (BUSTER!!!) as Dr. Mindbender
Chuck Liddell as Gung-Ho

Excuse me while I scrape my brains off of the wall directly behind my chair because my mind was officially blown.

Brigham, Buster is Dr. Mindbender. That's all you need to know to click play.

Diablo Cody: Back in the Good Graces

2009-07-30T13:51:00.000-07:00

I really liked Diablo Cody. She was kind of a breath of fresh air and she gave my sister a rocking interview. But, there was a bit of backlash after a little while... mostly due to the fact that Juno doesn't hold up nearly as well on the second viewing. Which I think is probably Ellen Page's fault and not Diablo Cody's. So there was a while when I was "over" her.

Then I see this video and she storms her way right back into my heart

Just seeing how freaked out she is to meet Stan Lee is awesome and really sweet. But, the interviewer is a real jackass. "Hey Stan Lee, she won an oscar. What have you done?" I wanted Stan Lee to say "Oh you mean other than create Spiderman, Fantastic Four, X-Men, Incredible Hulk, Iron Man, The Avengers, Daredevil and countless other characters that have helped enrich the childhoods of millions upon millions of people and basically redefined a storytelling medium? Well aside from creating a modern mythological pantheon that will be around longer than it takes for an Oscar to biodegrade... I guess I haven't done that much with my life."

MMA, and other stuff

2009-07-28T14:48:00.000-07:00

----MMA SECTION. If you don't want to read this part, scroll down to nerd stuff----

The t-shirt company that became a fight promoter is now just a t-shirt company again. Affliction, the fight promoter/clothier that provides clothing for douchebags and fans of Boondock Saints (redundancy) around the world, went under last week. But, unfortunately for people with good taste in clothes it was only the fight promoting branch that went under. The nail in the coffin was Josh Barnett testing positive for steroids when he went for a California state Athletic Commission license renewal. Barnett was supposed to fight Fedor Emelianenko in the main event for Affliction's third event "Trilogy" in early August. But, he was denied a license when the CSAC found an anabolic steroid in Josh Barnett's system. Affliction first was scrambling to find a replacement for Barnett. Then they canceled the show. Then they decided to stop promoting fights.

My gut reaction was to laugh at how Josh Barnett was responsible for the downfall of an entire promotion and for robbing 13 other fighters of their pay that they would have made by fighting that night. However, Affliction was basically in it's death throes after it's first show. And the reason? MMA snobs' favorite fighter Fedor Emelianenko. Everyone and their mom says that he is the best pound for pound fighter in the world (Which he isn't. That title belongs to GSP.). And Fedor and his management have heard this for so long that they are starting to believe the hype. They ask for exorbitant amounts of money for fights. Something to the tune of 2 million per fight. Now, while it may be a feather in the cap of a fledgling organization to have Fedor on the fight roster. It also is a curse. Because Fedor asks for so much money, he basically bleeds these companies dry.

The only company that can financially support someone like Fedor is the UFC. And Fedor's people are notoriously hard to deal with (freaking cossacks.). As is Dana White... But, Dana White really wants to make Fedor vs. Lesnar happen. Mostly because I think he knows that Brock Lesnar would beat Fedor and it would shut everyone up about how great Fedor is.

I'm with Dana White. Yeah, Fedor is good. But, 1.) He's not that good. and 2.)I am just sick of hearing about it.

----END OF MMA SECTION----

Freaking NEW TRON TRAILER!!!

I was super excited when I heard they were making this. I was even more excited when last year that super blurry comic-con footage surfaced. Then, I got even MORE excited when I found out earlier this year that Daft Punk was going to do the score for the movie. Basically, I'm gay for this movie.

James Cameron had like 20 minutes of "Avatar" that he showed off at comic-con, which he will be showing for free at some IMAX theaters... And basically I am sick and tired of reading/hearing how awesome it is. I want to see how awesome it is without having to wait in a 5 hour long line. I'm sure that James Cameron would feed everyone a line of BS about how he wants to maintain the integrity of the final product by only showing it in the highest quality on film projectors made from the beaks of a thousand eagles. But, forcing people, who WANT to be advertised to, to jump through these hoops to catch a glimpse of your glory. Well, it's kind of a turn off. And it shows a contempt and disdain for the audience. And it bugs.

Iron Man 2 also showed some stuff at Comic-Con. But, I heard it was just some snippets and not an actual trailer. But, that reminds me. I am trying my darndest to have a media blackout on Iron Man 2 info. Why is that you may ask? I want to be surprised. I want things to catch me off guard. I want to not know when the trailer is coming out so that when I see it for the first time I will be that much more excited. We'll see how successful it is... but, I'm gonna try.

On the issue of Comic-Con

2009-07-23T12:02:00.000-07:00

I have never attended San Diego Comic Con. There I said it. I am not attending this year either.

I have wanted to go to Comic Con for years. Years. Yet, I never have. The reason for me not going isn't a crazy one it's pretty simple actually. When I was younger I was really into comics and art and stuff and I would always ask my parents to take me. They would say "Sure, I don't see why not." But, being a little kid my attention span was that of a large fruit fly and I would forget the dates and it being before the age of the internets I couldn't just look something like that up. And so I wouldn't end up going.

Then when I got older, I kinda stopped reading comics. Pretty much all of high school I loved to draw and I love the idea of being an artist. But, I wasn't actively trying to become one. I was too convinced that I was going to be a stock broker or businessman of some kind... because that's where the money is... or was. -wink-nudge-chuckle- That and I was playing video games all the time... what can I say? I was a teenager. So all of those years were a wash as far as my Comic-Con attendance was concerned.

Then, during my senior year, in my Econ/Government combo I was seated next to a girl Rita Lichtwardt who was a phenomenal artist. And she liked comics. We would sit there and talk shop and we would show each other the doodles we would do in class. She was really rad. She came into class and lent me her copy of Frank Miller's Dark Knight Returns. And thus my love of comic books was re-kindled. And my love of drawing was rekindled as well. She gave me a sketchbook for Christmas and I gave her Joe Madureira's Battle Chasers Trade Paperback.

Then right out of High School I started working at the place where I still currently work. And the super busy time of year is always during July. The same month when Comic Con takes place. So I wasn't able to go in 2001-2002.

Then, I went on my mission to the Dominican Republic. So 2003-2004, no go. Came home, and started working at the job I am at now. However, since I've returned from my mission. I have heard rumblings. Rumblings from people that have attended the con. That more and more it is becoming not so enjoyable. That is more of a chore to attend than the joy one would expect. That it was becoming more and more of a bloated, tedious affair due in part to all things genre coming to represent at the con. That comics have become an after-thought to the movies, and TV shows. That the lines are interminable, the cosplayers are over theatrical (and smelly) and that it has become very, in fact, claustrophobic.

And I have heard the same every year since 2005. So, while I am bummed I have never attended. I am becoming less and less bummed that I am not attending on a regular basis. At this point one of two things is going to happen. 1.) My first time attending Comic Con will be as a creator and I will be at a panel or booth or something. Or 2.) Comic Con will collapse under it's own girth and cease to be called Comic-Con and will just be called Pop-Culture Con and will be moved to a larger more adequate setting and will be thus, an entirely different animal from the Comic Con of days of yore.

Maybe I'll just start going to Wonder-Con up in San Francisco.

Lots of stuff

2009-07-20T14:47:00.000-07:00

Alright, my brother has decried my lack of blogs despite the abundance of material so lets not mince words.

I went and saw Transformers 2... by myself. It was effing terrible. I have the same question for GI Joe that I have of TF2 when I ask "Who is this movie for?" Obviously Michael Bay doesn't give two craps about the transformer fans. And it's so offensive it would turn away non-transformers fans... But, what do I know. Michael Bay is laughing all the way to the bank. So for this precise reason I will not be seeing GI Joe. It looks colossally bad and embarrassed of it's source material. "But Tanner" you may say "It's just a movie based on a cartoon. How good do you expect it to be?" I expect it to be Iron Man good, Dark Knight good, Spider-Man good, Superman good(the christopher reeve one). At the very minimum, Rocketeer good. Those are all movies that took the established franchise and didn't shy away from their source material. What it did was take the best parts of that material and make a great movie from it. Had transformers 1&2 come out before... let's say Spider-Man 1? I would probably have loved it. But, I now know what is possible when someone takes a beloved franchise and makes something incredible out of it. To the masses I say, if you eat nothing but garbage why would they feed you anything else?

I went to the midnight showing of the new Harry Potter. Sarah is a big Harry Potter nerd so we had to go at midnight. No big deal as I'm sure that she will accompany me to one of my million acts of nerdery that I will have in my life. And I would rather she be a Harry Potter nerd than a Twilight nerd. Because being a fan of Twilight, to me, shows a certain... desperation. And as we all know desperation is a smelly cologne.

But, back to the movie. It was okay. I feel that Prisoner of Azkaban is still the best because it had an honest to goodness amazing director in Alfonso Cuaron. This one was just kind of okay. I wonder if reading the books has soured the movies on me. Because I know how it all plays out. Also, for a movie with the subtitle of "Half Blood Prince" they spend a criminally small amount of time actually talking about said Half Blood Prince.

Final thought about the experience: Harry Potter nerds, while possessing better hygiene, are WAY dorkier than Comic book nerds. Example: After the first trailer, the film slipped off of the reel. What happened next I could have never imagined. Someone shouted "reparo!"(Harry Potter fix-it spell) And everyone cheered and shouted other various spells from the films. I was mortified to be in the room. But, it made Sarah happy and that's all that really matters.

Weekend before last I was in Henderson, NV celebrating my friend Brendan Sherlock's upcoming nuptials and we were able to go watch UFC 100. I can blame UFC 100 for my lack blogging as it consumed many of my thoughts during my waking hours in the weeks leading up to it. Frank Mir was fighting Brock Lesnar, George St. Pierre was fighting Thiago Alves, and Dan Henderson was fighting Michael Bisping.

I was so excited I'm pretty sure that I was beginning to annoy my friends. I couldn't wait. The day finally arrived and after some searching we found a bar in the area that was playing the fight. We went down early to secure good seats. And I gotta say, I have never watched fights in a community atmosphere. But, it was so much fun! Everybody there was really into it and were cheering in unison. It was awesome. And I'm not even talking about the fights yet.

The fights themselves were amazing. While I wanted Thiago Alves to win, I wasn't all that surprised that Georges St. Pierre won. They both fought well. But, GSP fought a dominant and fast paced fight. Alves seemed off his game and I hope he can comeback and challenge for the title again.

Dan Henderson knocked out Michael Bisping so bad I thought he had died. Henderson had his right hand loaded up the whole first round and was firing it off whenever he could. And with Michael Bisping foolishly circling to his left the whole time it was only a matter of time until Hendo's big right hand landed. And land it did. Check this out.

Now what happened immediately after the KO is what has caused some controversy. Because, Henderson in a post-fight interview admitted to knowing that Bisping was out but he still followed with that vicious forearm after the fact cause he wanted to "shut his mouth". Now, in MMA the rule is you are supposed to keep going until the Ref says stop. And that's fine and even understandable if you are throwing a combination. Let say you knock the guy out with the 1 punch but you land the 2 and the 3 after the fact. No big deal. You were executing a series of punches. But, knocking a dude out with an overhand right seeing him flop to the ground lifelessly and then proceeding to smash your forearm into his face? Not so cool. And kind of unsafe. But, hey, comes with the territory.

For 17 months, Frank Mir had talked trash on Brock Lesnar. Calling him everything from a little girl to a retard. So when the two heavyweights got put in the cage to finally hash it out. I was expecting there to be fireworks. And there were. Brock Lesnar basically devoured Frank Mir and turned him into a lumpy bloody mess. That is what is referred to as messing with the bull and getting the horn. Frank Mir indeed woke the sleeping giant as Brock Lesnar in only his 5th professional MMA fight didn't give Frank Mir the time of day. Mir was overwhelmed by Brock's size, strength and speed. However, Brock showed some new technique in his ground and pound game. Brock isolated Frank Mir's head and two arms with ONE of his own arms. Leaving the other arm free to load up and pound Frank Mir in his smug, elitist, face through most of the first round. I imagine Frank was thinking so this is what it feels like to have a bowling ball dropped on my face over and over and over again. Then round one ended. Ding round 2! The tangle in the stand up for a little bit, Lesnar shoots for a single leg takedown and Frank Mir lands a beautiful leaping knee. A maneuver I have only seen Yves Edwards and Urijah Faber execute successfully. And I think Frank was hoping that the knee would have knocked him out. No such luck. Frank was taken down gave up wrist control and was punched 14 times with no intelligent defense or response. So the fight was called. Brock Lesnar wins by TKO in the 2nd round.

Once again, there is a lot of controversy over the post fight happenings. Brock Lesnar got up after putting on a dominant, impressive, display of mixed martial arts to find mixed martial arts fans booing him. For winning. Well, apparently, these fans thought of Brock Lesnar as "The Bad guy", and Brock Lesnar was only happy to oblige. By giving the people booing him the One-finger salute. And as he was taking his victory lap he stopped by the woozy Frank Mir as he was getting up and said "You can talk all the trash you want now." Then Joe Rogan asks him what he's gonna do. Lesnar unwisely trashes the UFC's biggest sponsor and then intimates that he is going to get it on with his wife.

Apparently, theses antics offended the delicate sensibilities of fans of a sport which consists of two guys fighting in a cage. The MMA fan community was livid. They wanted blood! They wanted fines. They wanted Lesnar's title to be stripped from him. They wanted his head on a stake. All I have to say to MMA "purists"(which I used to consider myself until lately) is "boo-effing-hoo" fast foward ten twenty maybe even thirty years from now. If Brock Lesnar continues to be as dominant as he has been in his last 3 fights for those thirty years Brock Lesnar will be remembered as the Muhammad Ali of Mixed MArtial Arts. Mark my words. Muhammad Ali ran his mouth constantly. He would trash all his opponents before during and after fights. But nobody remembers that part now that he's an afflicted, old, man. The memories of Ali calling Joe Frazier an UNCLE TOM! Go right out the window. Booing fans wanted the world to know that they saw Brock Lesnar as a bad guy. And they got what they wanted. A bad guy that no one can ignore.

The King is Dead

2009-06-25T15:27:00.000-07:00

So, Michael Jackson died.

And while I may make jokes about him and his passing, and secretly hoping that 1980s Michael Jackson will descend in his Captain EO Spaceship returning from his long exile dressed in his Captain EO outfit bearing a crateful of albums that he had recorded in space while his pale boy-loving impostor ran rough-shod over his reputation, its all just a mask to cover the hint sadness that Michael Jackson is dead.

Here is a link to the full 7 minute version of the music video for "Bad"

It may not be his best song(PYT). But, I was crazy for this song when I was a little kid. And while I have more favored versions of Michael(Thriller era). This version is the one that pops into my head when I think of Michael Jackson. This is my evergreen version of MJ. In my mind, this Michael Jackson was a completely different person from the Child Molesting Ghoul that we had seen. If he had died right after this album. I would have been really sad. But, since he went off the reservation sometime in the mid-nineties, I don't feel all that sad.

Also, for a guy who was probably in a total of negative 4 fistfights in his life. He delivers tough lyrics pretty well.

It could all be a fake. Michael Jackson is definitely on the short list of people to benefit from faking his own death.

The Snob's Dilemma

2009-06-12T15:22:00.000-07:00

I know this may sound bad. But, I don't like when things that I love are discovered by the masses. I recently saw the Hangover this last weekend. It was hilarious. Most of it due to one of my favorite comedians Zach Galifianakis... The movie was a huge success and everyone is ooh-ing and aah-ing about how funny Zach Galifianakis is. And I am upset. It used to be that if I met another person who was a Zach Galifianakis fan, I would know what kind of person they were. And we would be able to have a discussion about similar things that they might enjoy. But now? Everybody loves him. And by and large everyone is dumb. I can't tell that frat boy douchebag who likes The Hangover to watch Patton Oswalt or Tom Goes to the Mayor. They will get weirded the heck out.

There are certain niche things that I really like and I keep them to myself and I only share them with people after a screening process. A holdover period, if you will. If I can tell that a person will like one of these precious niche things on the same level that I do. I will introduce this person to that niche. Like I introduced Sarah to the comedy of Zach Galifianakis a few months ago after I found out that she enjoyed his work in "Out Cold" (Yes, she was one of the five people that saw that movie.).

I admit that part of me likes being a cognoscenti snob. That part of me loves to hold things over people's heads like "Yeah, I've been a fan of that for years." But part of me is just afraid that if these niche items that I love so much go mainstream that they will lose some of that mojo that makes me love it.

But, it is a double edged sword. Because I want Brian Posehn and Tim & Eric and others to be successes. I want them to not have to worry about work or money so they can continue to be themselves and so they can continue to entertain me.

Arrrrrgh... Country Music

2009-06-11T10:37:00.000-07:00

So, somebodysdaughter.org is an organization based around reminding people that prostitutes, adult film actresses and strippers are people just like you and me. That they have parents and siblings and that we shouldn't objectify them. They have made this music video to raise awareness.

I'm all about helping people not patronize pornography, strip clubs, and hookers. I am a social conservative. But, why is it that all songs that are meant to raise awareness for socially conservative causes are always effing country songs? I mean, Marvin Gaye sang politically conscious music and it was awesome. A lot of people hate the war in Iraq and those songs are at least well made and backed by actual singers. Whereas, advocating prayer and not looking at porn... they get annoying crappy country songs.

(Which reminds me. Don't get me started on "Jesus take the wheel" I thought it would be some kind of metaphorical thing, like Jesus as captain. And then I heard the song and found out it was literal. And it was about a person losing control of their car/truck/tractor.)

Also, who are they trying to convince? Chances are the kind of people that listen to this kind of music don't watch porn because it interferes with Bible thumping practice. If they wanted to really get the target audience they would get Motley Crue or Lil Jon and the East Side Boys to do the song. (I'm imagining a song titled "Dance! Keep that Booty In Your Pants")

And I don't know if invoking parents in the battle against the sexual industrial complex is such a good idea. Because chances are that they turned to strippin'/hookin'/pornin' because of their parents or lack thereof.

It's an uphill battle because so many people in this world like porn/prostitutes/strippers. And trying to fight against those things is going to draw a lot of ridicule... but why make it so easy for them?

No wonder people hate social conservatives. We're all a buncha squares.

It's like the Anti-Abortion people. They're going about it all wrong. Don't hold up picket signs with pictures of aborted fetuses on them. That's not going to convince someone to not get an abortion... it's just gonna gross people out. What they need to do is remind people how awesome life is.

"Hey Pregnant Teen. Before you make this decision... just want to remind you..."

I wanted use the motorpacing scene from "Breaking Away" but that video is impossible to find. So I had to settle for Chariots of Fire.

So take a hike...and don't forget your trail mix, sucka.

2009-06-02T10:50:00.000-07:00

I discovered an odd personal tic that I have. I hate hiking. I know that's not a huge thing. I don't only hate hiking. I hate the word "hike". I found this out when Sarah asked me if I wanted to go on a hike and my brain immediately went into lockdown mode. No, I do not want to go on a hike just like I don't want to jam glass into the soles of my feet.

However, when I was visiting my Grandma for Mother's Day my sister asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. And I was almost excited to go. But during the "walk" I was thinking "wow, this is a pretty intense walk... almost like a... waitaminute."

So the only reason I can see for this is the connotation that "Hike" has in my brain. When I think of "hike" I think of one of two things. Most often I think of
A.) Those unholy Bataan Death Marches I had to undergo in Boy Scouts where we were driven to the middle of nowhere and we had to hike back to civilization. Getting hot, sweaty, filthy, and destroyed by bugs and antagonistic flora.

Or sometimes but rarely, B.)A pleasant but intense trek where the reward for the hard journey is a great view, waterfall, or some other really great destination. I'm sure your nearest REI salesperson says that the joy of a really good hike is the journey not the destination. To which I respond "Go to hell. It sure isn't for me."

Look at these A-holes

Also, hiking is a bit more proactive. Almost annoyingly so. It's for those couples on the herpes commercials, those dudes in those E.D. commercials, or for people on dating websites who want to make it sound like they are active and well rounded.(Which thusly suggests that hikers are inherently lonely, non sexual people... but that's a whole other can of worms.) Hiking also requires things like specific boots, maps, compasses, camelbak backpacks... the mind boggles. I imagine most hikers want to look like rugged, tough, outdoorsmen/women. But, they invariably end up looking like spastic Dungeons and Dragons fanatics who have a huge budget for Old Navy performance fleece vests.

And these idiots

And I love the outdoors. I love camping. I love lakes, rivers, mountains... all of it. But, Hiking to me is like going to the mountains to lift weights.

Walking, however, is much more appealing. It suggests ease in itself. "You can walk from point A to point B right? Well, then why not go for a walk?" I most assuredly perform the most basic ambulatory function. Heck, I am downright good at walking. I have good posture, a solid swift stride, and I don't mind doing it.

A good walk doesn't need a destination. It is simply getting up and walking around. The pleasure is in the act itself and it is very non committal. unlike a jog or a run which somehow force me into feeling like I need to do those respective activities for the entire duration. A walk is the lowest common denominator. If I am feeling particularly frisky I may jog or run for a short bit during the walk and I will feel great about myself because not ONLY did I walk... I also jogged for a stretch back there. Whereas with a jog or run or even hike. "Yeah I was doing okay except I had to walk for a little while because I got tired." I am setting myself up for failure for setting the bar too high.

So, don't ask me to go on hikes. Unless I can dress like this guy.

"Mother Nature just wet her pant-suit"

Sketch blog updates

2009-05-05T11:25:00.000-07:00

So, I've put like a crap load of updates on my sketchblog. Check it out.

Dream. Dream, dream, dream

2009-04-10T10:35:00.000-07:00

This past week I have been having crazy vivid dreams. And I can actually remember them! I forgot how awesome that is. So a brief recap of my dreams from this week.

Day 1
I discovered that I was a robot like Chip from Almost Human, or Colonel Tigh from Battlestar Galactica. And I asked my creator (a scientist that looked like the mappy guy from King of Kong) if my robo-heart was covered by health insurance. Which he assured me it was.

Day 2
I was chased out of San Francisco. By the population of San Francisco. For unspecified reasons.

Day 3
All of the friends I ever had were gathered together for a Boy Scout pancake breakfast fundraiser. It was strange in my dream to hear my childhood Crestline friends talk to and about my Burbank friends like they knew them. Particularly memorable is my old junior high buddy Isaac Davies telling Brian Kenehan that Seth Barnett is a douche.

Day 4
This one might have been my favorite. Me and the owners of the comic book store I go to planned a drug deal heist. We were going to take the money and sell the drugs. The drug deal was set to go down at Camp Crystal Lake from Friday the 13th. I ended up shooting a guy super-spy like and we had to sneak into this building that reminded me a lot of the Magic Castle. But right before we sneaked in, this huge Frankie & Annette beach party broke out. So we still had to sneak around but now we had to avoid all of these circa 1950s beach party revelers. Last thing I remember we were inside the magic castle waiting for the elevator and when it arrived the ding was my alarm clock.

Thanks for indulging me. I had to write those down because they were all pretty awesome memorable dreams

ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh!!!!!

2009-03-25T10:59:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH I"M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!

Sigh... and the descent continues..

2009-03-23T11:04:00.001-07:00

So, I have never been shy about the fact that it takes a certain amount of presumption to have a blog. To presume that people care about what you think about anything. It's mind boggling really. The fact that 4 people read my blog is astounding. Anymore than that and my brain shuts down.

Then came Twitter. Twitter is the concept of the blog taken to the next level. Where you presume that not only do people care about what you think... but what you are doing at any given moment! I looked down from my brazen tower with scorn at the the twittering chuds beneath me. "While I may post a self-indulgent blog. I'll never ever be like you!"

I found that there are many many creative types that I admire that have twitter accounts and they have blogs where they talk about the great conversation that took place on twitter on the subject of visual storytelling... I felt like I wanted to read the transcript of that conversation. Except the only way you can read a twitter conversation is through registering as a member. I thought to myself... "well, I'll register. But, only to observe."

So far that has held true... but I figure it's only a matter of time before I become one of those nattering insects, those twittering chuds who I held in so much contempt. One day, I will look at the heap of ruination that was my life and .. skin pale from lack of sunlight... I will look up and feebly shake my fists at the heavens as I bellow "TWITTEEEERRRRRRRRRR!"

Take it easy Manitoba Joe.

2009-03-10T14:47:00.001-07:00

Hey Girl 2: the Reckoning

2009-02-12T11:06:00.000-08:00

Hey ladies, I want you to know how proud we men are of you. I know that women are much more liberated now. The sky is the limit! And that after years of being treated as second class citizens you can finally hold your head up and say "There is nothing I can't do."

Yes, now that you are out of the kitchens and laundry rooms there is truly nothing that you can't do! To think that in years past you would have been expected to have a man to be considered a success. It almost makes me sick.

With this freedom, there is no avenue of life that you cannot be the master of. Whether it be business, science, art, food, or politics. You can truly choose your own destiny. Grab life by the cojones and never ever let go!

So, ladies, with the 21st century still sprawling out ahead of the human race. You can continue forward with confidence that you are a completely different animal than women of the past. You're free from the stereotypes of years gone by. Reach for the stars, ladies!

Hey Girl

2009-01-29T17:17:00.000-08:00

I realized that I need to start more sentences directed towards women (especially Sarah) with "Hey Girl..." And the website that makes me realize this? A little site for the ladies called Eff yeah Ryan Gosling. Here's a taste of what it is all about.

Yup. Freaking funny stuff.

Music makes the world go round

2009-01-14T22:08:00.000-08:00

This year I have resolved to lose weight by taking two steps:

1.) Five Bite Diet. It's the diet that my Dad did when the doctor told him he needed to lose weight ASAP. It is essentially not eating breakfast, and then five bites for lunch and five bites for dinner. It doesn't sound like a lot. But, think about it. Make a fist. That's how big your stomach is (or supposed to be). Now next time you eat think to yourself how much food you have eaten after five regular sized bites. It's actually just about right.

2.)Go to the gym 3 times a week. Not much to that. I need to excersize to burn off my fat and develop muscle.

I know that the 5 bite thing sounds extreme... but last November I tipped the scale at a hearty 305lbs. I was not impressed. So, I needed to take a drastic step and the 5 bite thing was recommended by a doctor and it seemed to make sense. So, I started doing it after new year's eve and I am down to 287lbs. and hopefully dropping.

But, anywho. After being sick for a little while I am going to the gym pretty steadily now. And I found that I workout a lot more effectively when I am listening to music. And that's what this post is all about: What Music I listen to when working out.

Cardio

I have a separate playlists for different kinds of cardio. When I am on the treadmill I usually listen to the 45:00 LCD Soundsystem mix that they made for Nike. It's mostly just songs of theirs that they already made but with really rad transitions. It seriously helps me run faster for longer.

Occasionally I have the need to switch that up. Because variety is the spice of life. In which case I have a short list of techno music that helps me keep a good intense rhythm.

Up first we have "Sandstorm" by Darude (note: Link contains fight footage including bare knuckle vale tudo). I have this because it is Wanderlei Silva's walk-in music. Yes, I know that he is on a downhill slide recently. But I prefer to remember him from his Pride FC days. When he was an unstoppable monster.

Then we have "Zombie Nation" by Kernkraft 400 which as any self respecting Dodger fan knows is the Home run music at Chavez Ravine.

Then we have a duo of Chemical Brothers hits with "Name of the Game" and "Blood Rave".

And rounding out the cardio list is "E-Pro" by Beck. Not techno. But still dang good.

Weight Training

For weight training, I have a change of pace. I have the meanest, angriest, music I have to yell at me like my high school football coach. (note: don't click the links unless you like really heavy metal music.)

"Face the Pain" by Stemm (aka the UFC theme song). "Crystal Skull", "Blood and Thunder", and "March of the Fire Ants" all by Mastodon. And "Thunderhorse" by Dethklok.

And then I have my wind down music. Which is always always always "Echoes of Love" by the Doobie Brothers. After basically having music either robotically force me to keep running or black haired monsters scream at me to keep lifting weights. I need Michael McDonald to tell me its all gonna be okay.

Merry Christmas, Baby

2008-12-24T10:34:00.001-08:00

Feliz Navidad

It's a Dark day for Baseball...

2008-12-22T11:58:00.000-08:00

Dock Ellis, pitcher for the Pittsburgh Pirates during their great years back in the 70's, died Friday of cirrhosis of the liver. You may be thinking, "Tanner, why do you care so much about a guy who stopped pitching 4 years before you were born?" Well, for the simple fact that he pitched a no-hitter. "Big deal, lots of people pitch no hitters." Except Dock Ellis did it when he was tripping balls on LSD.

I'm not one to glorify drug use. I just say No to everything. But, here is the story courtesy of Cracked.com:

The day of the no-hitter, Dock Ellis woke up around noon on what he thought was Friday and ate three tabs of acid, presumably because he was tired of Wheaties. But when his girlfriend arrived she was carrying Saturday's newspaper, which meant he'd slept through Friday or that his girlfriend's was a time traveler. The sports page had more bad news, he was scheduled to pitch in San Diego in six hours. Not only was the day that was beginning to swim around him the wrong one, the city his day was swimming in was Los Angeles.

We probably wouldn't have gone to the ball park that day (not to mention slept through a Friday and eaten LSD for breakfast). But Ellis had pitched high before. And by that we mean he had never pitched sober. Starting with booze as a high school prodigy and moving up through amphetamines and cocaine in the MLB, his Pirate teammates often took bets on whether anyone could take as many amphetamines as Dock.

Unfazed despite being on enough acid to melt Jimi Hendrix's guitar, Ellis hopped a flight to San Diego, and faced down a lineup that had woken up knowing what day it was, and also had the upper hand in the "not on acid" category. Not a single one got a hit.

Ellis remembers very little about the game, other than that sometimes the ball was huge in his hands and sometimes it was tiny, and that at one point he dove out of the way of a line drive, only to look up and see that the ball hadn't even reached the mound. If this sounds like a ridiculous cartoon to you, that's probably what it looked like to Ellis. So how the heck did Ellis manage to pitch a better game than Pedro Martinez ever would?

I gotta admire him for achieving a perfect storm of circumstances to get himself a no hitter. I mean you take all of the things that happened and it creates a perfect confluence of events that leads to one of the most difficult and lofty achievements in all of baseball? If those events are as crazy as waking up in the wrong city, variety diameters of the ball, and seeing things that weren't really there then you have at least my respect.

Shine on, Dock. You crazy diamond.

Cool Cars!

2008-12-18T22:07:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago Sarah and I went to the LA Auto Show with our friends Shawn and Dean. We saw a buttload of awesome cars... Don't believe me?
Tim And Erics Awesome Show Brules Rules - Funny videos are here

Pitt's Stache

2008-12-12T11:34:00.000-08:00

Everyone is hating on Brad Pitt's mustache. I know he doesn't need my approval or validation. Because that's why he's Brad Pitt. But, I think it is pretty great.

7 thangs

2008-12-06T13:10:00.000-08:00

I got tagged by Michelle to do this. So, here I go.

7 of my favorite Christmas Movies

#7)A Christmas Story - Classic. I always kind of cringe whenever someone quotes this movie and the only real contribution they have is "You'll shoot your eye out." There is so much more to this movie. The faux-swears that the Dad shouts while battling with the furnace get the biggest laughs out of me. The awesome dialogue written for the interplay between Ralph, Flick, and Schwartz. Also, this week I was watching and I noticed that in the scene where Ralphie is pummeling the crap out of Scut Farkus (always though it was Scott. Imdb shows otherwise.)you can hear a kid in the background screaming "KILL HIM! KILL HIM!!!" Hilarious.

#6)Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring - This movie is great all year round. But, when it came out in theaters it was a couple days before Christmas. And the next two came out at the same time in the proceeding years. So, that's good enough for me to classify it as a Christmas movie. Yes, nothing says peace on earth good will to men like Shadow and Flame

#5)It's a Wonderful Life - My favorite part is when they show Pottersville and the Sodom and Gomorrah that it has become. Pawn Shops! Dance Halls! Bars! Egad! And the fact that Donna Reed suffers a fate worse than death. She becomes, GASP, an Old Maid! She wears her hair up. She works in a library. And Apparently no one ever told her that "Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses." Also the extended Saturday Night Live ending is always playing in my mind at the end of this movie.

#4)Small One - Watch this movie without crying a little bit. I defy you to do it. You can't do it! It's impossible. I can't watch it too often because I get that really uncomfortable feeling in my throat and my eyes start to burn because I am trying so hard to not cry. Also, this is the movie that taught me what my name actually meant and I hated myself for it. Also, made by Don Bluth. Props to Mormon creative types that make quality stuff.

#3)Muppet Christmas Carol - Better than any other variation on "A Christmas Carol" in existence. Good Songs. Really funny jokes. Michael Caine. My favorite joke is when Scrooge says to the Ghost of Christmas Present "You're a little absent minded , Spirit?" to which he responds "No, I am a large absent minded spirit! OH HOHOHOHO!" And having Statler and Waldorf be Jacob and Robert Marley? Genius.

#2)Home Alone - John Hughes' writing pulled very few punches and I remember being shocked how rude everyone was to each other in the beginning. How Uncle Frank called Kevin a "little jerk" and how I would do some serious damage if my brother (be it in-law or otherwise) said "Look what you did you little jerk." to my son. Also, Daniel Stern is the closest we, as the human race, can come to an equivalent of Wyle Coyote.

#1)Die Hard - It's not Christmas Time until I watch Die Hard. The jingling score. The prominent use of Ode to Joy. The fact that Christmas is the backdrop for the whole movie. The "snow" at the very end. And lest we forget. The most Christmasy line in the whole movie. It's undeniable that this is a Christmas movie. And I love it.

The best we can hope for...

2008-12-03T11:16:00.000-08:00

I have wanted a new ghostbusters movie for a long time. I wanted a live action ghostbusters sequel... and I realize with the increasing doughiness of the actors that is becoming a more remote possibility. But, Atari has a pretty rad looking game that has gotten the band back together again. Everybody. Ernie Hudson, Harold Ramis, Dan Akroyd, and even Bill Murray. And it brought a big stupid smile to my face because I freaking love Ghostbusters.

I know, I know...

2008-12-01T15:35:00.000-08:00

As Erik pointed out, I know that my readership probably doesn't care about MMA. But, I just gotta say that yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus and he does grant Christmas wishes. Because on December 27th Wanderlei "The Axe Murderer" Silva is fighting Quinton "Rampage" Jackson for the third time. And I am so effing excited I don't know what to do with myself. There is often a lot of hyperbole in MMA especially on the internet "so and so is the baddest"... "so and so is the meanest" and so on and so forth. But, I think I can say with little to no hyperbole that there aren't any two badder and meaner fighters than Wanderlei and Rampage. And they really don't like each other.

As for a prediction... I have no idea. It's a coin toss. On one hand you have Wanderlei who, as sherdog.com so eloquently put it, beat Rampage so bad that he could've pressed charges, but has lost 3 of his last 4. and on the other hand you have a completely different and much more dominant Quinton Jackson, who was on a 6 fight winning streak until Forrest Griffin came along. So, it's a toss up.

Here is a video that got me all hyped up about it. Warning: there is a Rampage interview that takes place before he found Christianity at the beginning where he swears quite a bit. So maybe wait a little with your speakers down and then you can turn them back up. Or don't watch the video... its your life man.

Reflections... on UFC 91

2008-11-17T16:29:00.000-08:00

Brock Lesnar tooled Randy Couture. And now the MMA world is up in arms. "Oh he should be a super-heavyweight!","Oh he doesn't deserve a title shot.","He's the UFC's Kimbo Slice." All I have to say in response to that is the pantomiming motion of me playing a violin very sadly. Going into the fight I was rooting for Brock but I would have been okay with Randy winning too. Because Randy seems like a cool guy and he is a fan favorite. However, leaving this fight I get the feeling that he may not be such a nice guy. The difference between Kimbo Slice and Brock Lesnar is that Brock Lesnar is a genuine competitive athlete and not some backyard fighter. That and Brock Lesnar was thrown to the lions in his entry into MMA. His first fight in the UFC was against former HW champ Frank Mir. Frank got knocked on his derriere in the opening seconds and was about ten seconds away from being pounded out until Steve Mazzagatti stopped the fight, deducted a point from Brock Lesnar for an errant hammer fist to the back of the head and restarted the fight. Giving Mir a few precious moments to regain his composure and knee bar Lesnar.

Brock's second fight was against a very large, very game, perennial contender Heath Herring. Brock opened with a one-two combination that broke Herring's orbital socket and sent him cartwheeling across the octagon. Lesnar then proceeded to tenderize Herring for the remaining 14 minutes. That same one two combination caught Randy Couture on the ear and knocked him out. But before that combination Lesnar did a great job of feeling out Couture. They clinched and traded stand up. Lesnar hit some very impressive high impact knees from the clinch that looked like they really hurt. Randy almost got the take down on a couple of occasions. Which is similar to saying that I hoped to move that mountain 5 feet but I only got it three and a half. Randy has nothing to be ashamed of. He was beaten by a younger, stronger, faster, meaner opponent. Broek, you think Kimbo Slice is scary? I hear that parents in small Dutch villages tell stories about Brock Lesnar to their kids to get them to clean their rooms. "If you don't, the pasty faced Gorilla will come and squish you with his giant hands."

The only way I see Brock losing in the near future in a fight that isn't against Shane Carwin, is if he leaves his arm or leg or foot just hanging out their for a submission. Too bad his next possible opponent is guaranteed to be a Jiu-jitsu master.

Kenny Florian beat Joe Stevenson. Meh.

Freaking Jeremy Stephens shoryuken'd Rafael Dos Anjos check it out.

Aside from that BRUTAL knockout. Gabriel Gonzaga planted Josh Hendricks with a knuckle sammich right in the mush that had him counting ceiling lights.

There was a lot of scary awesome Brazilian Jiu Jitsu displayed by Demian Maia, Matt Brown, Dustin Hazelett and Mark Bocek. And I think Alvin Robinson attempted a Gogo plata at some point. It was rad. But Hazelett's omo-plata to armbar transition was the best.

Jorge Gurgel, who I normally can't stand, had an amazing stand up war with Aaron Riley that saw lots of leg kicks, head kicks, really good boxing combinations... I was stunned. It was the only fight that went all three rounds.

Overall, it was the best PPV I've seen all year. I can't wait for the december 27th one. Wanderlei Silva vs. Rampage Jackson, Forrest Griffin vs. Rashad Evans for the Light Heavyweight Championship, and Frank Mir vs. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira for the interim Heavyweight championship. The winner of that fight gets to fight Brock Lesnar. Hail to the King, baby.

Reflections... on the netflix I had for almost a year

2008-11-13T12:01:00.000-08:00

I had the Decalogue disc 3 for almost a whole year. Every time I wanted to add more movies to my Netflix queue it would mock me "Tanner, how can you want more movies when you haven't watched me yet?" So, I had Monday and Tuesday off and I vowed that I would watch it and be done with it. I am on the 3 movie plan for Netflix yet for almost an entire year I was only getting two at a time because I for some reason couldn't sit down and watch those Polish morality plays.

It's not that they weren't good. I really liked them in all honesty. I had watched episodes 1 through 7 and enjoyed them thoroughly. But, I don't know if it was partially because there were so many other things to be doing. So many better more exciting movies to watch. That it just fell in my list of priorities. Sarah advised me to just send it back and chalk it up as a loss. I refused. How can I only watch 7 episodes of something called the DECAlogue. It's not a Septalogue... it's a Decalogue. And I would not be denied!

The Decalogue is a miniseries that played on Polish television back in the 80s that posed a series of ethical conundrums that were supposed to get the viewer to think about ethics, and right & wrong. I'll admit. I put it in my queue as part of the pretentiousness everyone gets a case of when they join Netflix. But, Brian Michael Bendis said that it inspired him to write what became one of my favorite arcs in Daredevil. And, I wanted to broaden my horizons. (AKA: I wanted to bring it up in discussions at parties about foreign films in that hoyty toyty "oh you haven't heard of that?" kind of way.) But, then I watched the first few episodes and they were really good. Some were sad. Some were really weird. And one was even kind of funny. But, they were a little dry so it was easy to put off watching that last disc.

I'm glad I did. The last one actually ended up being my favorite of the lot. It was kind of funny. It was about a pair of brothers who inherited their neglectful father's multi-million dollar stamp collection. But, I am glad to be done with it if only for the fact that I can go back to getting all the Lee Marvin movies and Anime I have in my queue.

Reflections... on the Captain America movie

2008-11-12T12:11:00.000-08:00

Joe Johnston was named as the director for the upcoming First Avenger: Captain America movie. Joe Johnston has directed The Rocketeer, Jumanji, and Jurassic Park 3. Now, that last one was stinky awful. But, that was the script's fault. HOWEVER! The Rocketeer ranks as one of my favorite movies ever. And Joe Johnston is also the guy that boarded the convoy action sequence from Raiders of the Lost Ark. These are all good signs.

A lot of my fellow nerds have been up in arms about the selection of Johnston as the director. "But, he directed Jumanji and Jurassic Park 3!" they cry in derision. My argument for these concerns are threefold.
1.)Jumanji was rad. I liked that movie. A lot of people may hate on it now. But, they probably liked it when they saw it.
2.)So what? Jon Favreau directed Zathura. And then he went on to direct Iron Man which was awesome.
2.)The reason Johnston directed Jurassic Park 3 was because he had the same directorial flair as Steven Spielberg. In fact from what I heard he was supposed to be the heir apparent to Spielberg. So maybe this will be his "Saving Private Ryan"?

Speaking of Saving Private Ryan, Captain America is supposed to take place during World War 2. This is also a good sign. Because as Ultimates vol.1 and Ed Brubaker's Captain America run have shown Cap + WWII = Awesome.

As for who should play Captain America? No one big name. I just don't think there is anyone out there that could do it without their name overshadowing the character. Robert Downey Jr. was able to do well with Iron Man because RDJ was halfway to being Tony Stark in the first place (the drunk half). But I have heard Brad Pitt and Matt Damon bandied about. No. Neither one would work. Brad Pitt? Sorry to say... but he's getting too old. Matt Damon? I don't think he likes action movies. Despite being in the Bourne movies he always seems so snobbish about it. Like it is beneath him. So! I think they should go with a relative unknown. And I think I found the guy.

Fringe's Mark Valley:

Aside from the lantern jaw and all-American good looks, homeboy served in Desert Storm. So, he's got the military angle down. But, they need to cast this guy now.

For the bad guy... I gotta go with Red Skull. I know that technically it was Baron Zemo who was the guy that sent cap into his oceanic cryogenic hibernation. But, I always felt that Baron Zemo was Red Skull-lite without the wherewithal to side with any political ideology. But, Red Skull is the only way to go. They gotta make him super-evil, and not shy from the fact that he is a Nazi. In the first Captain America movie they made Red Skull a mussolini-italo-facist. No good. Not evil enough. Not many people even remember that Italy was one of the bad guys in WWII.(sad, but true.) Maybe throw in some Arnim Zola human experimentation to really get people to hate him.

I just want this to be good. Like Iron Man good. Because I want Avengers to be everything I ever wanted in a comic book movie.

Alright... seriously

2008-11-08T10:41:00.000-08:00

I didn't even want to bring this subject up because the election was over and that was that. But, after seeing the vitriol being spewed at a place I consider the holiest of holy grounds, I am a little saddened and perturbed.

From merriam-webster

Tolerance: sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own.

As many people are aware, there was a much ballyhooed piece of legislation that went through on Tuesday. The 76 million dollar bill, prop. 8. Now this bill amends the California state constitution to define the word marriage as only being valid between a man and a woman. It passed. A lot of people are very upset. Understandably so, they feel that they are being discriminated against. These same people are quickly spouting words like "intolerance" and "homophobe" at places I consider to be extremely sacred. Now, it isn't as bad as some of the words that these people have to endure but still I feel that these words should be addressed from a strictly political point of view because that is how it is being treated by other people.

I don't feel that "intolerance" should be the word used. As I posted above tolerance is a sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from my own. Because I don't support or agree with a cause doesn't mean I am intolerant of that cause. Tolerance has somehow taken on a connotation in some peoples minds of universal acceptance and support. Which I believe should be kind of insulting to the people who have truly suffered intolerance. As far as I know, Homosexuals haven't been rounded up and sent to ghettos. Or had dogs sicked on them while fire hoses blasted them. True, some homosexuals have suffered hate crimes and have had to endure hate speech. But, as near as I can tell gays are quite tolerated. That's why I feel that "difference of opinion" would be a better substitute.

The same goes for "homophobe". Homophobe implies that there is a fear. If I were arachnaphobic, I wouldn't be able to be in the same room as a spider, I would be terrified. But, somehow, I can have gay friends. Converse with gay people. And generally enjoy the company of gay people. But, if it ever comes to light I am not supportive of homosexuality. I am suddenly a "homophobe." Just because I don't like something doesn't mean that I am afraid of it.

Another word that is thrown around a lot is the word "hate", that a "yes" vote for prop 8 is a vote out of hate. Once again, just because I don't unequivocally support something does not mean that I hate the person that does. Example: I believe we should have a right to own guns. Some people disagree with me. I don't hate those people. And I don't think those people hate me. Well, they might. But, if they did, they would be an extremist and in that case, I don't care what that person thinks.

Truth be told, these terms ("intolerance","hate","homophobe" etc.) are hyperbolic inflammatory language. And while it may be true for some voters, it is certainly not true of all. Nor is it fair to use those terms to classify all of those in favor of prop 8. These words are used to garner a reaction. It is similar to the "appeal to ridicule" mode of speech. Except it is more "appeal to shame". Example: "If you vote yes you are a hateful, bigoted, intolerant, homophobe" And granted both sides of the argument have used this tactic. What bothers me is that on one side it is hate speech and on the other side it is an astute observation rather than it being rejected regardless of your position on the issue. I've seen it go so far as to say that if you vote yes on prop 8 that you yourself are a self-loathing, closeted, homosexual.

But, then again, at a rally it wouldn't be very exciting if someone got on the megaphone and shouted:

"We'll show these people with differing opinions from our own that when they voted yes on prop 8. They voted yes on not agreeing with the gay point of view!"

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T10:26:00.000-07:00

Our orange and black plague will soon consume them all

Well played internet... well played

2008-10-22T12:42:00.000-07:00

The internet has got to be one of the best comedians of all time. It has done a lot to make me laugh over the last few days. But these two videos in particular have provided me with "I just did 50 situps" level laughter.

This first one is pretty straight forward.

However, this next one requires a little bit more commitment. I assure you that the pay-off is totally worth it.

This brings up the question of what I refer to as "The Three Stooges phenomenon". Dudes love The Three Stooges. Ladies, by and large, do not. They don't think it is funny. They don't understand why guys think watching Shemp getting slapped around by Moe is hilarious. I honestly don't understand it myself. I don't know why my first reaction to seeing Curly getting his nose cranked and then having his head put in a vice is gut-busting laughter... but it is.

I remember when I saw the first episode of Jackass and they tested out various self-defense products (taser, mace, the staby taser thing) and I remember laughing so hard I thought I would pee-pee in my pants. I have zero clue as to why seeing other people fall, or otherwise hurt themselves in a cartoonish fashion makes me laugh the way it does. But it kills me. It's like how I am the biggest sucker for Magic tricks. I want them to mystify me so bad. I love slapstick. I love it when Jerry makes Tom run into an anvil and turn into a coffee table shape. I love it.

So, why do dudes like slapstick? Any thoughts?

Somebody's Getting Married!

2008-09-11T18:13:00.000-07:00

In case some of you don't know, on August 30th, 2008, Sarah Hunter, the love of my life, agreed to marry me for time and all eternity. Thus, making me the luckiest man on the face of the earth... Screw you Lou Gehrig!

Sarah had planned a big birthday bash for me and I knew that would be the day that I would ask her to be my wife. We were having a totally awesome yacht rock extravaganza at the home of Matt Youngberg, Todd Peterson, and Dave Thompson. Everyone was dancing and playing around and having a great time. And I saw Sarah getting the cake ready. I knew that it was the time. So I ran out to my car and grabbed the ring box that I had hidden in the driver side door well. And was back before anyone had noticed that I was gone. The DJ stopped the music and everyone began to sing "Happy Birthday" to me. Sarah brought out the cake and it was time for me to make my wish... "What should I wish for?" I wondered aloud. Then I got down on one knee, popped out the bad boy seen above and asked Sarah "Will you marry me?"

Now, I had been going over in my head what I was going to say. I was going to go into this big schmaltzy speech about how much I love her. How she is the greatest gift I could ever ask for.(all of which is true) But, when it came down to the moment all I could squeeze out was the simple "Will you marry me?"

Sarah was flummoxed she seriously sat there totally gobsmacked for what seemed like an eternity. I was looking her straight in the eye trying to communicate to her that I was totally serious about this. She still continued to try to get her head around what I was asking her. She then just said "yes." And a mighty cheer went up.

We have begun planning things and I'll be keeping you posted on our progress on Sarah and my wedding/engagement blog here.

ACTION! ACTION!! ACTION!!!

2008-08-26T10:45:00.000-07:00

Are you ready for High rock your socktane action!? Have you been craving adrenaline filled thrill-rides? Well 2009 is the year for you! because Fast and Furious is coming! Part 4 of the franchise brings the band back together... presumably because they had nothing else going on.

Fast & Furious in HD

By the way, there is no way that was the Dominican Republic. There is nowhere that I have been in the DR that is that desolate and desert-like. Would it have been that hard just to say Mexico? I mean it looks like Mexico. The truck driver looked Mexican. For my money, Tokyo Drift (aka 3Fastest 3Furiousest) was the best one in the franchise. Note: I didn't say it was good. I just said it was the best of the series.

However, for those of you who prefer a bit more sophistication to your car/action movies. Have a taste of Transporter 3

Not gonna lie. I am pretty freaking excited for this. Transporter 1 was rad but lacked production values. Transporter 2 had the production values but was saccharine with the plot and cartoonish with some of the action. But all of them have been satisfactory. However, this one looks like they finally got it down. The filter they are running it through makes it look really cool. And I love to watch Jason Statham beat the living hell out of rooms full of dudes. When will bad guys learn? You don't double cross the transporter. He will not only wail on you. He will beat you up with something ridiculous like freaking huggable hangers. Also, the directors last name? Megaton. Mega. Ton. If you can't trust your action franchise to a director whose last name is a measurement of force for explosions, who can you trust?

Pretty Rad

2008-08-19T14:10:00.000-07:00

Aside from reminding me of my love for the original Star Wars trilogy this also kind of reminds me what a beautiful city San Francisco is.

Love it.

What were commercials about before?

2008-08-13T13:35:00.000-07:00

Peter and I were watching the Olympics when one of the endless cavalcade of global warming commercials came on and Peter posited the question: "What were commercials about before global warming came around?"

And I realized that he was right. Every commercial break is basically one big brag fest about how every single frakking company is helping stop global warming single handedly. However, the commercials I love the most are the ones of the videos of adults playing for children apologizing for their existence. "I'm so sorry that we, the American people, ruined planet earth for you babies." And then there is a voice over saying how one company in one country in the entire planet earth is rolling back those greenhouse gases.

You want some practical environmental advice? Keep your A/C set at 78. Buy used cars instead of hybrids. Harvest trees once they stop recycling atmosphere.

Your lightbulb? That took 7 precious great redwoods to make. Your washing machine? Turns out that bad boy practically belches C02! Your body? It actually belches C02! Forget that car companies dump those nifty nickel cadmium batteries in hybrids in the ocean once they've lost their charge. Forget that for every carbon offset you buy (aside from the guy you bought it from laughing all the way to the bank) some other foreign country has produced 10 little carbon feetprints.

But, good thing that we are doing all this stuff. Because now we have saved the Earth. And I personally think we have ruined Al Gore's plan. I think Al Gore is a big time Superman fan. And when he realized that his strength was not affected by earth's yellow sun he hatched a plan in which he would be the progenitor of some other planet's savior. Sorry, Gore, your plan worked all too well. You scared us all into to doing what you asked. And in the process you prevented your ascension as the lone voice of reason on a planet that just wouldn't listen. So stop drawing those plans for your baby space pod, Jor-El.

Hello?

2008-08-11T15:38:00.000-07:00

So, haven't been getting any feedback on my blogs. Which means one of the following:

A.)People aren't reading.

Not entirely impossible. As I have stated many times, it requires a certain amount of presumption to have a blog. To think that people care about what you have to say about anything. Maybe my luck has finally ran out.

B.)People are reading and not commenting.

Also a distinct possibility. As my sitemeter says that people are checking. But, they are only visiting for 40 seconds.

Due to my extreme egocentric streak I am inclined to believe the latter. Which means that people aren't really interested in what is being posted. So, I've taken the trouble of making a poll at the side in order to see what people like most about my blog. Please vote. It may or may not be taken into consideration.

Spider Save!

2008-08-09T00:14:00.001-07:00

I did this piece for Sarah's little second cousin who apparently loves Spiderman... here's hoping this doesn't turn him off the whole thing.

FASHION!

2008-08-08T15:18:00.000-07:00

On Project Runway they had the challenge to come up with an opening ceremonies outfit for the olympics. Meaning if they had the chance to do it, what would they do? The Winners outfit as posted above I thought was the best one. But, I can't see them making a similar male counterpart.

However, I heard Ralph Lauren was designing this Olympic Opening ceremony outfit.

And all I can say is. BOOM. Nailed it. I love it. It is classy... maybe even a little snooty which is perfect for a competitive environment. It is exactly what I would do if I were a major fashion designer. I just hope everyone wears the outfit as designed. No one flipping their hats around or whatever. The only difference I would have had is maybe Boater hats. But, the newsboy/driving cap is much better. And shows why I am not a famous fashion designer. Anyway, even if it were boaters would it be worse then those crappy Roots berets from Salt Lake? But this is up there with the Torino 2006 clothes... except for those berets... what is with Roots? Just cause you're Canadian doesn't mean you have to foist the beret on us! But they made up for it with the raddest winter Olympic jackets maybe ever.

note: the title is to be read as if David Bowie were singing it.

Steampunk

2008-08-05T23:36:00.000-07:00

I heard that phrase and this is what popped in my head. It's not quite resolved because I based this on a doodle on a post it note and i didn't have feet on the doodle. I'll finish it soon... I hope.

No Homo

2008-08-05T17:05:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone that reads my blog is aware of this phenomenon. But in the more... urban? social circles there is this phrase "no homo" which acts as a disclaimer on statements that could be construed in certain contexts to be homosexual or homoerotic. However... the result is usually the opposite. Because what I do as soon as I hear "no homo" is I search for the subtext. How could that have been a gay statement? And why does this person care if I think they're gay or not?

"Hey man, nice shoes. No Homo."
"Well, I didn't think that what you said was gay until you made that little amendment there at the end."

I mean it is similar to the "don't think of purple elephants" thing. If I were to tell you not to think of purple elephants. What's the first thing you'd probably think of? Also, if it were applied to other situations it would seem really awkward and strange.

"Man, he's really good at basketball. No racist."
"Wow, Jennifer, you are really good at math and science. No sexist"

See what I mean? I dunno. Just thought it was funny.

You down with SJP?

2008-08-01T17:12:00.000-07:00

My sister wrote me an email with a link to an article about why dudes hate Sarah Jessica Parker. Broek thought it was funny and maybe a little true. I wrote the following in response:

Not trying to be contentious and this is all written with a smile on my face... but how can a woman say why a man doesn't like Sarah Jessica Parker?

"Men don't like her because she challenges what is conventionally sexy!"

No, I don't like her because she is lauded as "unconventionally sexy", etc., and she looks like a Witch out of a fairy tale book. But, I'm the a-hole because I wouldn't want to jump into the sack with a woman that looked like her.

I was watching Hellraiser on TV last halloween... that's right. Hellraiser... yes it is a horrible crappy movie... but it was Halloween and I wanted a good scare. I did not find one. But, I digress. I was watching Hellraiser last Halloween and there was a female character who was supposed to be this foxy cougar/femme fatale but the actress was just kind of average looking. And the writers clearly wrote this after she was cast because they had to remind me every ten minutes how desirable this woman was supposed to be. And it was distracting and frustrating. That's what the deal is with SJP and me. The world at large is constantly telling me how sexy and beautiful she is. And I disagree.

What is somewhat attractive is that she looks the way she does and still has all the confidence in the world. And why shouldn't she? She somehow used her brujeria to trick thousands of women that are better looking than her that she is prettier than they are. and that they should try to be like the character she plays.

Also, I don't really care for what that character, and lately, she represents. That is women need to go out and spend loads of money on ridiculous clothing

to somehow be more of a woman. And the whole "I don't need a man but feel the need to talk about how much I don't need a man to distract myself from the fact that I really need a man" attitude that her show portrays. I know that she isn't her show. But, somewhere along the line people started to make that equation and I feel that she has begun to make that equation as well.

But, man, this has basically turned into a blog post. I still say "Sarah Jessica Parker? Blarg."

I just thought it was amusing that in this article, a woman was telling me, a man. Why men, like me, don't like Sarah Jessica Parker. And in the interest of fairness and to get all info on the source material I could, I read the article which inspired the jezebel article on style.com. I was similarly amused what I found there.

It was basically saying that dudes don't like Sarah Jessica Parker cause she doesn't show off T&A. That we would find her more sexy if she showed us what she was working with. Frankly, I find it a boon that she isn't showing a lot of skin.

I'm not threatened by her storming the gates of conventional sex appeal. I'm not disappointed because she doesn't show cleavage. I just don't think she has a pretty face. You can't fault guys for being somewhat united in the opinion that she isn't that pretty according to what we find attractive. You ladies think she is pretty? That's just fine. But, don't say "I want to be like her" around me and expect me to agree with you.

I just don't like the whole women's magazine mentality of "Here is what guys really think." And then there is an article written by a woman about what the inner workings of men are like. I put it up there with "Here is what Mormons believe" followed by an article written by a non-Mormon.

Well crap

2008-07-22T14:26:00.000-07:00

If I have learned anything this week is that reality is a cruel and fickle mistress. First, we have Rick Ross turning out to be a C.O. Now, we have Christian Bale, one of my favorite actors, being "arrested" for "assaulting" his mom and sister. When I first heard of the story I was shocked and saddened. But then it turned out that he wasn't arrested but he went in to give a statement. And that the "assault" charge was for verbal assault. Because apparently yelling at someone in the UK is a crime. AND he wasn't charged and was released earlier today. Sheesh. Talk about your ups and downs.

But, I mean reality is telling me that Rick Ross is not a devil may care, benevolent gangster who throws wads of cash out of speed boats. That I can deal with. But bringing down the actor who revived the Batman franchise? Is nothing sacred?!

Also, if it's a crime to yell then lock me up and throw away the key. Because yelling is a healthy outlet of my bottomless fury. To quote Maddox: "Whenever someone goes on a killing rampage they never say 'it was the a**hole who was yelling all the time.' No, it was 'always the quiet one.'"

UPDATE: It turns out that the argument at the heart of this was that Christian Bale's sister asked to "borrow" $200,000. He said no. Then the mom and the sister got pissed and started talking smack on his wife. He yelled at them and pushed them to get away from the argument. Funny how this information has changed Christian Bale from temperamental to the picture of restraint. Cause no offense to Broek, but if she came to hit me up for 200k and then talk mess about my wife? That burns up a lot of good will real fast.

Say it ain't so Boss... Say it ain't so.

2008-07-21T15:49:00.000-07:00

As many of you are aware. I am a huge Rick Ross fan. However, his past (like most rappers) has been cloaked in mystery. Does he know the real Noriega? Does he hustle e'rryday? Well the curtain has been drawn back. And it shocks the rap world to the core.

That's right. That's Rick Ross. The biggest boss you've seen thus far at his corrections officer training graduation. The Boss was a C.O. I mean this isn't like a rapper claiming to be a drug dealer or gangster and it turns out they were raised in the suburbs. Or that they were good students in the hood. This is big. Ross used to work for the man.

Personally, I don't really care. I mean I would rather that he wasn't a drug dealer. But, it hurts the image. And that makes me sad.

They should have sent a poet

2008-07-18T11:12:00.000-07:00

There are no spoilers in this post. However, if you want to go into the movie with a blank slate, not wanting to be influenced by the opinion of another I suggest you wait until you see The Dark Knight before you read this post.

Dark Knight freaking murdered my expectations. It was sublime. It was amazingly fantastic. I loved the whole thing. The characterizations were all pitch perfect. The stunts were amazing. The story was phenomenal. It was by a long way, the best movie I have seen this year. It ran for two hours and forty minutes and I didn't want it to stop.

Where to begin? Okay, improvements. The fight direction is way better. It isn't all jump cutty like it was in Batman Begins. You actually get to see Batman hold a guys head down and punch him in the neck. Right in the freaking neck! The batsuit is probably the best it has been. Or may ever be. I know it looks kind of iron man-ish. But, it is serving a functional purpose. That purpose is to be able to move around.

Alright now let's talk about the new stuff. Heath Ledger was simultaneously terrifying and hilarious. Jack Nicholson didn't play the Joker. He played Jack Nicholson playing the Joker. Heath Ledger WAS The Joker. I forgot he was Heath Ledger. The whole scene in the Jail house was so eerie and scary... it had this gnawing sense of anxious terror. And that has to be attributed to Christopher Nolan. But Joker's entrance in one scene is both stomach churningly sick and gut-bustingly funny at the same time. And that is what the Joker is all about. I scoffed when Christopher Nolan said that The Joker was going to be a like a force of nature. But, Ledger pulled it off. And he is deserving of the accolades that are being lauded on him. Which makes it all the more sad that we will never see him reprise the role that has solidified his place in film history.

That's another thing. I pride myself on being pretty level headed and on not letting a movie really suck me in too much. But, this movie did it. I was feeling everything the director wanted me to feel. And it was really an exhilarating experience.

Aaron Eckhart. He was great also. I was worried that his character arc would be too forced. But it wasn't. It seemed natural. And it kind of had this "Killing Joke" vibe to it. He was very believable. As was Maggie Gyllenhaal. I found her to be much more believable than Katie Holmes. I mean Maggie is no stunner. However, she is just good looking enough that you can believe that with a good personality Bruce Wayne and Harvey Dent would be in love with her. But she is just not good looking enough to believe that this woman spent 8 years becoming a lawyer instead of Katie Holmes who I would imagine would be spending time with the football team.

I enjoyed that Batman was much more seasoned and more expert in dispatching criminals than he was in Batman Begins. He uses his detective skills more. Which is awesome. And he is super-smart and crafty like he is portrayed in every other form of media. However, don't be fooled. While the movie is called "The Dark Knight" it is very much the bad guys' movie.

I could go on. But, I would just end of piling praise on top of praise. And it would get obnoxious. Suffice to say, I can't recommend it enough. And I can't wait to see it again.

I shot a Giant Gun

2008-06-15T23:54:00.001-07:00

I went to this gun expo with my dad. It was more of an outdoors expo. but they had a lot of different guns that were available to try out and shoot. It was great to spend time with my Dad. Which I enjoy doing. But to shoot guns with my Dad? That is double awesome.

I also had my first time ever shooting clay pigeons. I was really nervous to try since I was surrounded by seasoned outdoorsmen. But I got up there with a mossberg SPX 930 and went 8 for 10. Not bad for a first timer!

I also shot several handguns. One being the Ruger Vaquero. It was essentially a cowboy gun. But, man was it smooth. I can see why cowboys love shooting things so much in the movies. Because, it was an extremely enjoyable experience.

However, the highlight was shooting a.50 caliber BMG sniper rifle.

Yeah, it is kind of a compensatory gun. But, like other compensatory things like fast cars. It was so much fun! The shockwave from the thing was the most amazing part. This guy with one of those big huge dorky straw hats shot this gun and the shockwave of the bullet leaving the chamber blew his hat off. It was fantastic.

I tell you if I had $7600 lying around, serious issues about my manhood, and the necessity for maintaining a safe perimeter of a mile... then I would totally be all over this gun.

Thats right. I said a mile. It is accurate up to a mile. The guy selling the gun was saying, "Basically, there is no point running from it. You'll just die tired." Classic.

Anywho, it was good to spend time with my dad. And it was awesome to shoot huge guns

Polar opposites

2008-06-02T11:18:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if I have made this clear on my blog. But, I love Mixed Martial Arts. I love Muay Thai, Brazilian jiu-jitsu. I love it all. I love the sportsmanship. I love the athleticism. I love the strategy involved. I love it.

This weekend was a big weekend for mixed martial arts. EliteXC was making the MMA debut on network television on CBS this last Saturday. I was kind of excited. Because Robbie Lawler and Scott Smith were fighting and both of those guys know how to scrap. Gina Carano (aka American Gladiator Crush) was fighting and she always puts on an excellent show. Kimbo Slice was fighting James Thompson... I think that a calliope playing "Under The Big Top" should be playing during all of Kimbo Slice's fights. Because that is all he is. A clown. A scary mean clown that would murder me if he hit me. But, a clown nonetheless.

Also, there was a featherweight title fight in WEC between Urijah Faber and Jens Pulver. As well as Miguel Torres defending his Bantamweight title against Yoshiro Maeda. WEC is similar to the farm system to UFC. Also it is a haven for the smaller lighter guys.

But, nothing could prepare me for the disappointment that was the EliteXC show. Frankly, it is the reason for this post. I needed an outlet with which to express my displeasure with what I saw saturday night. What I saw scared me. It scared me because I think this may be the beginning of fight fixing. Kimbo Slice got pounded on for two rounds. Just mashed into the mat. And that was by James Thompson, who is a sub par heavyweight at best. There were easily 25-30 unanswered blows to Slice and the ref didn't do anything. Then the ref stopped the fight in the middle of the third round saying that Kimbo won! Saying that Thompson was out on his feet. No more than he had been through out the rest of the fight. It made me a little sick inside.

Then there was the Gina Carano fight. Gina didn't make weight. So she had to give up 12.5 percent of her purse for the night. But fight time came, Gina was wailing on Kaitlyn Young for two rounds... almost scores a submission victory via Gogo plata in round one even! Then round two ends. Young has a goose egg under her right eye. The doctor says she's okay to fight. She says she's okay to fight. The commission calls the fight in favor of Carano. Bunk.

The Smith/Lawler fight was on its way to becoming a classic and launching MMA into the mainstream consciousness with a fantastic show of competition and grit. It was truly on its way to becoming one of the best fights I have ever seen. But then there was an inadvertant eye poke to Smith in the middle of the third round. The fight was paused. Scott Smith said he was having trouble seeing but to give him his allotted 5 minute recovery time and he would be fine. The Commission called the fight a no-contest! Prematurely ending a fight that was destined to become one of the all-time greats.

Overall the show was enough for me to not watch Elite XC ever again. Also, I don't want to support Kimbo Slice as the face of MMA. I don't want people to think that MMA fighters are like Kimbo Slice. Street brawling thugs. Dana White and the Fertitta Brothers(owners of UFC) have fought so hard to lose that image to show that there is athleticism and strategy to this sport and then Gary Shaw (owner of Elite XC) sees dollar signs with MMA and brings in a goon to beat up lousy, punchy, unskilled fighters. And basically sets MMA back 5 years. Thanks Gary Shaw. You're a douchebag.

Another thing is that it struck me that Elite XC was overly cautious due to fact that it was network television. If that is indeed the case then maybe network TV shouldn't broadcast MMA. Keep it to cable and PPV, like boxing.

The WEC show on the other hand restored my faith in what MMA can be. Two fights in particular the Torres/Maeda fight and the Faber/Pulver fight. Miguel Torres and Yoshiro Maeda put on a heck of a show last night. They were hitting fast hard crisp combinations. The fight was amazing from every position. Standing up, in the clinch, on the ground. There was one point where both of the fighters had each other in toe-holds and neither one was letting go. It was electric. Maeda was unable to answer the bell for the fourth round because his left eye had swollen shut and the doctor couldn't clear him. So, Torres was declared the victor.

Then, Featherweight champ Urijah Faber and Jens Pulver had a five round slugfest. Both of the fighters brought their "A" Games but neither one was gonna go down. Urijah showed that a.) he can go into deep waters in a longer fight and b.) that he has pretty dang good standup game. His boxing was clean. And his straight right was hitting like a scud missile. And he had the presence of mind to work the left hook when Pulver's left eye started to swell. I didn't really like Faber before this fight. I thought he was overrated. However, he proved that he is the real deal. All credit to Pulver though. I thought that his chin would be a factor. But somehow he has improved on that... I don't know how you could... but whatever. But Pulver really brought it to the Champ. There were a couple of times that a fight ending shot was an inch away from the chin of the champ. But, Pulver just couldn't land one. But, as a picture of grace and sportsmanship both men gave each other hugs and a lot of respect once the fight was over.

So, in the same weekend we had low valleys and high peaks. But, the WEC show reminded me of why I love MMA.

Of All the Things We've Made

2008-05-14T22:48:00.001-07:00

This has been a pretty eventful couple of weeks. I bought a new camera. It's one of those Panasonic Lumixes with the Leica lens. Very nice. Very slim. Very chic. It was handy that I had a new camera to take pictures of all the fun stuff happening. I won't bore you with every single picture. But, I will give you the highlights.

First of was Will's bachelor party.

Totally awesome. A lot of fun. It was really cool to hang out with all those dudes. I was pretty humiliated after the first morning there. I was tossed from the jet ski and I couldn't get back on due to my massive girth. However, once I did finally get back on the dang thing it wouldn't start. So, luckily, there were two kindly, portl,y passers-by who offered to give me a tow. I agreed and thought the worst was over. Not by a long shot. They didn't really pick the best spot to secure the tow line and I tipped over. I was so exhausted from trying to get on the first time that I told my ursine savior to just tow the jet-ski in and i would hold on to the back of the vehicle. He did so. I had to be dragged behind the jetski I was riding all the way back to shore. It was humiliating. But, hey. That's life.

Other than that. Naps were taken. Catch was played. Jokes were told. Wood was chopped. and Jonathan farted before he threw up 15 more times. Good times.

Sarah's best friend Melody got married on the 2nd of May. The reception was held at the lovely ward building in La Cañada-Flintridge.

Sarah was the Maid of Honor. And in my opinion was the prettiest girl there.

I caught the garter. Any day that includes catching flying lingerie is a good day in my book.

Sarah was super stressed during the wedding with all her Maid-of-Honor duties, which were plentiful. So in order to relax and decompress we went to Descanso Gardens to have a little picnic. I mean how much more restful can you get? It has the word "descanso" in it's name.(Descanso is Spanish for "a rest".)

As it turned out, you can't actually have picnics in Descanso Gardens. So we ate right outside the gate. By the picnic area, but not in the picnic area. It looked very unkempt. Once we got inside I took lots of totally awesome vibrant flower pics. So many that this post would be extra long and boring with all of them in there. So, once again, here are the highlights.

Inside Descanso Gardens is this huge, beautiful house called the Boddy House. The guy that used to own the property where the gardens are now used to live there. And he lived in style.

Then came the wedding of Matt to Nichole. It was really cool because they were married at the Los Angeles Natural History Museum. I didn't know they allowed stuff like that. But, then I thought, this is LA. And even LA museums like to party!

It was loads of fun. Also good to see some friends that I haven't seen for a while... mostly Kyle and Nick. And not John Matchett.

Then there was Will and Bethany's wedding at Occidental College. Once again, didn't know Occidental College did weddings. But, hey, why not? Will was looking sharp and Bethany looked Radiant. My favorite thing about the whole wedding was how happy Bethany looked. She looked sincerely jazzed to be getting married. This is why weddings on TV and in the movies don't cut it. She could barely stand still she was so excited. It was cool to see.

Good times had by all. I've had it up to my eye teeth in weddings. But, I have a feeling it's gonna get worse before it gets any better. But, hey, Spring is the season of love, right?

Glad I could get everyone caught up.

GOOD NEWS!!

2008-05-01T22:53:00.000-07:00

Iron Man is good. Really good. Not Batman Begins good. But, at least on par, maybe better, than Spider-Man the first.

Apparently out here on the west coast they released it a little early from 8pm on. Which was good news for me because I didn't know if I had it in me to make a midnight showing. I mean I would have gone... but, I don't know if I would have been at 100%.

Let me just say that Robert Downey, Jr. is awesome. He is the best Tony Stark that anyone could have hoped for. I remember back when they were talking about making this movie Tom Cruise really wanted the role. I am so glad that didn't work out. First of all, I don't think that Tom has the acting chops to have pulled it off. And Secondly, Robert Downey, Jr. made it look like so much fun. And apparently, he busted his hump to get this role. see here.

I won't get too much into it but there are lots of really cool little bits. For one there is a Ghostface Killah track on the soundtrack (Ghostface is also known as "Pretty Tony Stark"... or "P-Tone"). And all I will say is... stay after the credits. You will sooooo not be sorry.

HaHA! Italkreallyfast! HaHA!

2008-04-21T12:58:00.000-07:00

By special request of Rick Kyle I present the Speed Racer trailer. Yeah, so the Wachowski's look to have lost it a little bit... frankly I wonder if they "had it" in the first place. I mean yeah they made The Matrix. Yeah, The Matrix is one of the best action movies ever made. But, aside from The Matrix, what have they made?

"Bound" starring Jennifer Tilly and "Assassins" starring Antonio Banderas and Sylvester Stallone.

Yikes. So aside from a trilogy with only one good installment, they have made a crappy actioner about hitmen and a lesbianic thriller. But, maybe this will be good because after those two crappers they made The Matrix... so after two crappy Matrices they can now make another good movie.

I just hope they hand out Dramamine before each showing.

The 15th

2008-04-15T11:27:00.000-07:00

Tax day... and 17 days until Iron Man

Grave of the Fireflies

2008-04-12T01:18:00.000-07:00

I just watched this movie tonight. I will never watch it again. This a movie that I am glad and proud to have seen. But, I don't think I could survive another viewing.

The story is one of a Japanese boy and his little sister who have been displaced during World War II and their experiences surviving out on their own. It is a movie about "adult responsibilities being placed on teenage shoulders" as one reviewer put it.

This movie broke me. I was sobbing. Not the tough guy "oh I'm crying but I am trying not to look like I'm crying". But, the full on "bury your face in your hands and sob" kind of crying. It was a beautiful movie that hurt me profoundly. I will be returning it to Netflix... and I will never see it again. But, I don't think that will be too big of a problem since it is scorched into my brain. I kind of want to compare it to Schindler's List... but I don't think I even cried as much at Schindler's List as I did this movie.(Although it is different because Schindler's List is based on a true story.)

There are really excellent portrayals of kindness, and real life in it. And there are no real antagonists... although one could say that pride is one. But, it is a devastating and haunting story. And even if you are one of those people who have an extremely strong constitution for not crying in movies... I am pretty sure that this will get something out of you. And if not? Well, I'm sure you got a fetching price for your soul.

However, if you are going to see it. Make sure that you watch it in the original Japanese with English subtitles. I switched over about 5 minutes in and I am glad I did. The Japanese voice actress for Setsuko, the little girl, is an actual little girl, I am pretty sure. And that makes all of the difference. And make sure you have a box of kleenex handy.

I'm rubber and you're glue

2008-04-08T15:55:00.000-07:00

I hate political pundits. And as a conservative (varying between moderate and almost libertarian depending on the issue.) I am ashamed of conservative pundits. They are always so shrill and boorish. And the almost always resort to petty name calling. Things like "moron","idiot", and courtesy of Bill O'Reilly "popinjay."

But this isn't to say that liberal pundits are much better. While they may not resort to childish name calling... they do carry a reek of smug that is overwhelming.::cough::Keith Olbermann::

My issue with Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, et al. Aside from their carnival barker antics. Is the fact that they are all so pushy and mean spirited. I mean what happened to relying on the strength of your position?

I watched a youtube video of William Buckley(who now resides in WASP heaven.) and Noam Chomsky (obviously before he went "off the reservation"). And it was one of the most dignified debates I have ever seen. And I began to think, there is no way a debate like this could happen on TV present day. Now, this isn't longing for "good ol' days" as many Neo-Cons talk about. But today pundits and "commentators" all have to have a hook or an angle or some crazy rhetoric... They have to say things like "Gays are ruining America!" or on the other side "America Totally Sucks!"

I really just want educated, understated, people who don't need to bully other people who don't have the same opinion as them. If not that, genuinely funny commentators ala The Onion, or Stuff White People Like. Or Street Carnage will do.

Mostly, it just bothers me how over the past 5-10 years politics have been bringing the worst out in people (not to say that it didn't happen before but it has become more prevalent). I just wish more political discourse was similar to the conversations that my friend Scott Stephenson and I have. We are almost polar opposites politically. However, whenever we talk about politics (in a non-joking atmosphere) it is always, well-intentioned, and well-informed. And no, I don't think that any one candidate or politician can fix things. What can fix things is people just being nicer. Alleged "moral superiority" or "righteous indignation" are not reason to abandon common courtesy.

But for fun, here is William Buckley in a rare occasion losing his temper and calling Gore Vidal a queer after Vidal called Buckley a crypto-nazi.

Funny Stuff.

Productively Unproductive pt. 2

2008-03-29T14:59:00.000-07:00

I was cleaning my room and I found this little bundle of sketches and doodles I have done at work during moments where not a lot was going on. Way back before I did my original productively unproductive post I did this little story-board/comic book where each panel was one post it note. I thought it was hilarious at the time. I still get a kick out of it.

The characters are Superman, Mongul, and Solaris... otherwise known as Earth's sun.

Some of my favorite parts: Superman picking up Mongul by his FACE. The zinger right before Superman tosses Mongul. The onomatopeya off "TOSS". And the fact that Superman threw Mongul INTO THE SUN.

For those who can't decipher my crappy storytelling abilities Panel 1 shows Superman and Mongul locked in combat in metropolis(as denoted by the shabby skyline).

Panel 2 Superman coldcocks Mongul.

Panel 3 show similar to panel 2.

Panel 4 Shows Superman grabbing the villain by the forehead/face.

Panel 5 is double panel vertical spread of Superman carrying mongul out into space (denoted by the moon and the stars behind the characters).

Panel 6 is Superman and Mongul silhouetted by the Sun.

Panel 7 Superman: "Hot enough for you?"

Panel 8 Superman tosses Mongul into the sun

Panel 9 Superman observes his handiwork.

Now, I know that Superman would never really do that kind of thing. But, hey, it's funny. I won't bother apologizing for the general low quality of the work. But, you gotta admit it's not bad for ten minutes work.

Any and all feedback is appreciated.

Books are for learning

2008-03-25T13:43:00.000-07:00

I finished a new book yesterday. It was an anthology of short stories and essays entitled "Things I've Learned from Women who Dumped me." And check out this list of Contributors Stephen Colbert, Patton Oswalt, Will Forte, Bob Odenkirk, Andy Richter, Dan Savage, David Wain, and an introduction by Nick Hornby. That is just a small portion of the long list of contributors. It was compiled and edited by The Onion's Ben Karlin. So needless to say, pretty funny stuff.

A lot of it is precautionary, some of it is overtly explicit... but often times for the sake of the greater joke so it is easier to forgive. But, often this book strays into wistful territory. The sweetest and maybe the best of them all was written by Tom McCarthy about his first love who he met a Young Life camp. It was this wonderfully tender and funny story that portrayed the awkwardness of youth and it all worked towards this one hugely awesome and hilarious reveal.

I enjoyed his story so much that went to the back of the book and looked up Tom McCarthy's credits to see what else he had written. And I saw that he was actually an actor. Hmm. An actor that had appeared on The Wire. Hello. An actor from The Wire wrote this masterpiece? Who could it have been? Perhaps one of the strong yet fallible dock workers from season 2? The deliciously wicked lawyer Levy? My interest was piqued.

I quickly went to google image search and typed in "Tom McCarthy" and who should be the face greeting my search?

That freaking scum weasel Scott Templeton. One of the most despised characters of the final season of The Wire. He was the one character that was just a sniveling, two-faced a-hole the whole time and yet he came out smelling like roses.

Now, my logical mind understands that Tom McCarthy and Scott Templeton are not the same person. But, my emotional response part of my mind has already designated a response when I see Tom McCarthy's face and that is one of smoldering disdain. And that is because unfortunately Tom McCarthy's face is Scott Templeton's face. The irony is not lost on me that the actor that portrays an unethical newspaper reporter happens to be a talented, if not brilliant, non-fiction writer in real life. I just hope he didn't make it up.

But, I digress. Tom McCarthy's story ranks as one of the best along with Will Forte's tale of embitterment and rejection. And Andy Richter's story entitled "Girls don't make passes at boys with fat asses" cut particularly close to the bone but was suitably hilarious. However, Stephen Colbert's contribution was weak and confusing. Disappointing. That's the word I am looking for. However, the book more than makes up for it with the majority of the stories being very funny and heartfelt.

Final assessment: I heartily recommend it. Has a lot of heart and a lot of humor.

I feel so gay for saying "heart" in the proverbial sense as opposed to the main organ of the circulatory system.

Obama, what's the deal?

2008-03-20T13:49:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: I feel that I rarely talk politics on my blog. But, I felt like talking about it today. So, if you don't want to read about it on my blog, if you look to my blog as a haven where politics should go undiscussed. Then wait a few days and hopefully I'll have another, non-politics related post up.

I admit I had been kind of fooled. While I never felt like I would vote for Barack Obama, I felt that maybe he wouldn't be a bad choice if he was indeed elected. Maybe it was the endless bombardment of celebrity endorsements taking their toll. The Will I. Am produced remixes of Barack's already stirring speeches. The Shepard Fairey designed campaign posters. Maybe it was an ignorance of his policies. I don't know what it was. But, I am taking a long hard look at it now.

And I now that I have looked at some of his policies I have to ask. Why? Why is Barack Obama qualified? State Legislature. Okay. US Senate. Alright getting better. Awesome public speaking ability? Alright, not super important. But still a nice quality to have. However, what bothers me is that he hasn't ever really "run" anything. Not a business. Not a state. Nothing really. He went from school, to lawyer and public speaker, to state legislature and then on to the Senate.

As much as I dislike Bill Clinton at least he was in charge of something... although the state of Arkansas I have heard isn't much worth bragging about. GW Bush? State of Texas. George Bush Sr? Hows about the CIA? Ronald Reagan? The great state of California and several businesses.

However, I have similar feelings towards all of the Candidates. Hilary Clinton has the a similar background as Barack Obama. School, lawyer, politics. However the advantage she does have is knowing which bathroom in the white house is for guests and which is for residents.

John McCain has not really run anything either. However he makes up for it by having been in the military. I'm sure he would have run a business if he weren't so busy being tortured in a POW camp.

I even looked up Obama's stance on the issues. And while I disagreed with a lot of them, I didn't find them all that remarkable. Universal health care, fair trade, puppy dogs for disadvantaged children, sunshine everyday, and cooler music at dances. So, it's not like he would be any different than Hilary. Just better looking and a smoother voice.

However, I am bringing all of this up, admittedly, because of the Jeremiah Wright situation. It really rubs me the wrong way because America was very vocal in saying that they would have a hard time voting for a Mormon. But, a church where they vomit hot, seething vitriol on America is okay? And America is okay with a guy who chooses a man that says "God damn America" as his spiritual adviser?

But, I understand that sometimes people attached to politicians aren't always savory characters (Billy Carter, anyone?). However, Mr. Obama's response to the Wright situation has kind of snapped whatever minor hold he had over me. He didn't apologize for being associated with such a man. And he even tried to excuse him with the racist grandma defense "Oh, (s)he's just old fashioned." Using an antiquated term for a black person and saying that thousands of people deserved to die because America "had it coming" aren't really in the same category. Barack Obama's speech caused me to sit up and say "Hey, I forgot, this guy is a politician." And that re-discovery has caused me to wonder. What qualifies this man to be the leader of the free world?

But, hey, I have an open mind. Can someone tell me what qualifies Barack Obama?

Meh.

2008-03-12T21:48:00.000-07:00

My ambivalence knows no bounds.

The first one wasn't really that bad. I thought the Hulk in the first one looked better than the Hulk in this one. And William Hurt instead of Sam Elliott as Gen. "Thunderbolt" Ross? Bad idea.

But, so as to wash the mediocrity out of your brain. I give you this.

The Dark Knight Trailer 2

Nothing but knives and lint, indeed!

Spock with a mother-effing beard!

2008-03-10T13:50:00.000-07:00

In case you are thinking. "Hey, that's a nice picture of Broek and Tanner." You should know... that's not me. I did not attend PYT on friday night. I watched Top Gun and hung out with Sarah. So, this would lead me to believe that it is my freaking doppelganger. I always had a sneaking suspicion I had one out there. But, this confirms it. And what makes me think that he is more along the evil twin line than a clone is that he has dark hair to my blond hair and tattoos to my unblanched skin and a beard where I have none.

He met the evil twin requirement with just the beard. But then he went beyond so show how much more evil he is.

The kicker is that I showed this picture to my girlfriend and she said "You'd look good with this haircut." Hows about I DO HAVE THIS HAIRCUT! We argued about that for a little bit but it just ended in me giving her the silent treatment. I asserted that she finds him more attractive than me and this is how it begins. He will steal my girlfriend. Then soon, Broek will start calling him "bro." My friends will start liking him more and me less! Then, one day he will kill me and he'll come up with something like how he would like to start being called Tanner! DON'T YOU SEE?! THIS IS HOW IT STARTS!

I think I need to lie down.

Can. Not. Wait.

2008-02-29T16:50:00.001-08:00

Iron Man Exclusive Trailer

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Seriously.

I feel like such a sucker

2008-02-27T13:04:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I find out a particular tidbit of information and I feel like such a sucker. For example, I read my sister's wonderful interview with Academy Award winning Diablo Cody. That led me to a link to an article in the same magazine about people trying to capitalize on "Juno"-esque cuteness. Which led to an article in the Village Voice about Kimya Dawson who is on the Juno soundtrack. The article references an article written by Jim DeRogatis which is expressing his dismay about "Juno" in general. While I didn't agree with a lot of what he said, he did mention the fact that Kimya Dawson, she of Moldy Peaches fame, is 35! 35!!! The woman who sang the konami code and referenced the N64 Rumble pak in the hit song "Anyone Else But You" is 35 years old.

I feel so used. I feel like I have been duped. I thought it was written by a teenager or at least a twenty-something. Thinking that, I can accept her baby voice, mediocre musicianship and infantile lyrics. Because, Hey! She's just a kid! She doesn't know what life is all about! But, the fact that she is saying goodbye to 30 and hello to 40 seems like all of her songs in general are kind of manipulative and even a little disingenuous.

It's not like the singer Peaches (the non moldy variety) who is 40 and sings about all sorts of raunchiness. Because I know 40 year olds who are like that. But, a 35 year old who is writing songs about tire swings and 4 square? To quote Jeffrey Lebowski(Not the Dude, mind you.) "Get a job sir!"

But, who knows?! Maybe she is trying to be like Raffi or the Wiggles. I don't know what it is. But, I now enjoy the genuinely enjoyable "Juno" a little bit less because of Kimya Dawson.

ARGH!!

2008-02-21T14:51:00.000-08:00

ARGH!(click here)

Oh it's not kid friendly enough? Well, you should have thought of that before you hired Spike Jonze and Dave Eggers to make the dang thing! This movie is like a black hole of hipster idol awesomeness. The only way it would be more hipster-ish was if Ira Glass was the narrator.

But, seriously I will be very, very, sad if this movie gets canned. Peter Eskelsen, work your connections to prevent this from happening!

ARGH!

Dang... now that's tough.

2008-02-19T17:37:00.000-08:00

So, I have noticed the decided lack of readership lately... somewhere after how many kindergarteners could you take down people just stopped reading or at least reading and then commenting. And I think I figured out why. Because of lameness.

My blogs have been lame. I mean, what inspires me creatively? "Hey Tanner! No one cares!" I need to starting writing about hot button topics. The War in Iraq! Healthcare! America totally sucks! Global Warming!

Or I could write about Mark "Chopper" Read. Australia's proudest son since Crocodile Dundee or Yahoo Serious. Chopper Read is a reformed criminal who was convicted of many crimes including armed robbery, various and, I am sure, numerous firearms offenses, assault, and kidnapping. Kidnapping! According to wikipedia he only spent 13 months outside of prison between the ages of 20 and 38. He then went on to be a successful crime novelist. I assume he was successful because of the books authenticity... since he probably committed the crimes described in the books.

As a teenager he was in the Surrey Road Gang. Whose members had the coolest toughest sounding nicknames ever. Check this: Dave the Jew, Cowboy Johnny Harris, Terry the Tank. Way better than Lil' Saint or Droopy, right? He and his buddies would rob drug dealers and kidnap and torture members of the Australian criminal element.

Apparently he got his nickname for being protective of people smaller and weaker than him. He once served two years for beating on a pimp for trying to sell a 13 year old girl into prostitution. When asked about it, Chopper said "It was worth it." Bam.

Australia civilized society has adopted Chopper with open arms since his "reformation" (I think it is more of a retirement than a reformation... because I have a sneaking suspicion he would still be cutting toes off of pimps and drug dealers if he were a younger or healthier man.) Chopper now appears in anti-drunk driving and anti-spousal abuse PSAs. Here is Chopper enumerating his various wounds while at the same time advocating the designated driver program.

And here he is explaining what happens to women beaters and rapists in prison.

Who knew that Australians were such chivalrous prisoners? Although, on a continent founded by criminals one would expect they would have some scruples.

I'm not saying that Chopper is "cool" nor is he worthy of emulation. But, sometimes I think that I am a pretty tough guy. After hearing about Chopper Read I realize I am not, nor do I want to be, tough.

Creativity... it's tough

2008-02-13T19:55:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about my inspirations. I was thinking about what helps me out of my creative funks I get into from time to time. And came up with the following list of people/things/songs that give me creative jumpstarts. Some of it is cheesy. But, I'm just trying to be honest here.

Frank Lloyd Wright's Falling Water

When I was younger I had big dreams. One of those big dreams was that I would one day own Falling Water. I didn't know that it wasn't really for sale. Nor would it ever be for sale. I just saw it, I loved it, and I wanted to live there. It's like that guy in Cool Runnings that wanted to live in Buckingham Palace. It used to inspire me to work hard and earn enough money to purchase it. But, now it inspires me because of the innovation and the beauty and craftsmanship. The painstaking detail Frank Lloyd Wright took in creating an aesthetic. It reminds me to not take shortcuts.

J.C. Leyendecker

One of, if not, the greatest American illustrators of all time. Norman Rockwell wanted to be him. He spent his whole career trying to do what he did. J.C. Leyendecker knew his craft. And he was a true master. His work drives me to work at my craft so that I can be proud of it and maybe someone will look at something I have done and say "Wow, I wish I could do it like he does it."

J Dilla

Jay Dee (aka J Dilla) was a hip hop producer. He was referred to as a producer's producer. Many other producers looked to him and said "Yeah, his stuff is the best." However he was diagnosed with Lupus and a rare blood condition called TTP. Which caused him a great deal of pain and suffering. He was on his deathbed and yet he still had a desire to create. He had too much stuff in his head. So he had some of this production gear (keyboard, Laptop, drum machine) brought to the hospital so he could get some of it down before he passed away on February 10, 2006. Those beats and hooks were compiled into an album called "Donuts". The guy serves as a reminder to me that truly creative people can't turn it on and off. And that truly creative people shouldn't keep it to themselves... I am still working on that last part.

Hustlin' by Rick Ross

Katt Williams has a whole bit about this song in his standup routine. He basically says that this song makes you hustle even if your job doesn't involve hustlin'. Working at the library, McDonalds, the grocery store. It doesn't matter. This song will make you do anything and everything better and with confidence. And it helps me to remember to have a bit of swagger. To have that confidence to say that my work is quality. I like this song so much that I even used some of the lyrics at the title for my criminally neglected sketchblog. Disclaimer: get the clean version. The lyrics are catchier and not as offensive.

So there you have it. A glimpse into what inspires me and keeps me convertin' the work. Thanks for indulging me.

Control

2008-02-07T23:56:00.000-08:00

Went and saw this movie tonight. It was really good. It is about the life of the lead singer of Joy Division, Ian Curtis. It is based on the book written by his wife. IThe story was sort of your typical musician biopic stuff (ie. genius in the studio and on stage, but crappy personal life). However, the camera work on this movie was incredible. I gasped in a couple of the shots because they were so vibrant and beautiful. It was all in black and white. And I think that this may have been the first movie during which I realized that you can't shoot a black and white movie like you would a color movie. I know that may seem like one of those "Duh, Tanner"-things. But, I never thought of it like that before.

Control also made me want to go out and get more Joy Division music. I mean I had always liked New Order, which I know was the derivative of Joy Division. However, I often overlooked Joy Division. I was in the wrong thinking that way. The bass lines on some of those older songs are so meaty and delicious, as is the drum work. One can see the influence they have had on a lot of current bands (The Rapture and LCD Soundsystem immediately come to my mind).

Another thing that I loved about the movie was the wardrobe. Everyone. EVERY. Single. Person. In this movie had amazing clothes. Particularly Rob Gretton played by Toby Kebbell. I was telling my friends who attended the movie with me that he must have walked out of wardrobe, looked in a mirror and said "Oh, so this is what I am supposed to look like. This is the perfection I have been trying for so long to achieve." I just assume that all of the actors just took all of the clothes with them after the shoot was over. If they didn't they should have.

Overall review: Great movie. Worth watching definitely. And apparently, it is coming out on DVD next week.

Here's the trailer if you want a taste:

Oh how sweet it is.

2008-02-04T15:14:00.001-08:00

prepare for sour grapes.

I am a Raiders fan. Dyed in the wool. Win, Lose, or Tie. Raiders till I die. So, it should go without saying that I have hated The Patriots since 2002... that's right. Since the infamous snow bowl. They (and partially the NFL) robbed me of seeing the Raiders win a Super Bowl. Since then, there has been little to no reason for me to celebrate. Since that game, I have had to cling on to little insignificant moral victories.(ie. Raiders beat the conference rival Chiefs for the first time in 9 years this season.) While since that game, the Patriots have gone on to win 3 Super bowls and be officially declared a Dynasty.

This year, everybody has hopped onto the "I hate the Patriots" bandwagon. With good reason. What with spygate, The Patriots running up scores on weaker teams not unlike a schoolyard bully would pick on a weaker but earnest colleague, and Bill Belichick's sore winner attitude. But, I have seethed black steaming bile so full of hate that no light could escape it for years. For years, I have waited for the Karmic backlash. I have waited for everyone to realize. "Hey! These guys are jerks!" (I know what you're thinking "Tanner, you're a Raider fan. That team is full of jerks." To which I respond "At least they're honest about it. They don't try to pass themselves off as golden boys. They are thugs, and goons. They know it and relish it.") For years I have waited for it. And today is the day.

Today, I am that guy that is emitting a healthy glow of "I told you so." I am feasting on the sorrow of Bostonian's all the way from sunny California. I am drinking in the heady brew of the disappointment of pretty boys. And it is sweet.

As for Tom Brady? Suck it, Brady. You may make millions of dollars. You may have a supermodel girlfriend. You may be a winner at life. But today, you just lost the Super Bowl. Your precious tuck rule can't help you now.

Strike first, strike hard

2008-02-02T12:14:00.001-08:00

I haven't really addressed the WGA strike on my blog and I feel like today is the day to do that. I, personally, am grateful that there is a writers' strike. Why? Because now I rarely if ever watch TV. I only watch the two or three good shows that are on. I watch The Wire because it is the best television show ever. I watch Lost because it is amazing. I watch UFC programming because NFL regular season is over and I hate the Patriots. And that's about it.

Yeah, I am bummed that 30 Rock and The Office aren't on to tickle my funny bone. But, generally I am liking the effects of this strike. I like that the golden globes wasn't a huge bloated affair. And I am hoping that the same thing will happen to the oscars. I like that there aren't any good shows on TV. I can read books, hang out with my girlfriend, draw. The sky's the limit.

However, I think it is funny that TV producers are jamming their scheduling blocks with crappy crappy crappy reality shows. As if there are people that are just sitting in front of the TV during the allotted hours and they will gladly and willingly watch whatever is broadcast. Including such gems as "My Dad is Better than Your Dad" and so on.

I really hope that more people stop watching TV or at least only watch the really quality shows. So as to send a message that American TV viewers aren't just going to consume everything that is placed in front of us. I mean if we watch nothing but garbage why would they give us anything different?

Maybe I should try to rid myself of other vices I have. Like celebrity gossip. It's funny and maybe a little hypocritical of me because I find celebrity reporters reprehensible. Yet, I still read their product. But, maybe they would all disappear if I would follow Paul Anka's wise counsel from the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror VI "Just Don't Look!"

So, if you feel that you watch too much TV, then take this golden opportunity to loose yourself from the rusty, crap-riddled chains that have bound you. Go out dancing. Go stimulate the economy so the government doesn't have to. Go read a book. Interact with other people. Like I said, The Sky's the limit.

Great Expectations

2008-01-21T15:20:00.001-08:00

So, I saw Cloverfield. And I was suitably impressed. It was entertaining, scary, had lots of action. The acting was decent enough. However, I was disappointed because I had built my expectations up way too high. Impossibly high. I mean that in all sincerity that the scenario I had in my mind of how the film would play out would have been impossible to match.

"How is that possible Tanner? What would you be expecting?"

This is what in my deepest heart of hearts was expecting. I knew I was going to be let down. I knew that the Cloverfield monster wasn't going to be the Stay-Puft marshmallow man. But, the little child in me wanted Cloverfield to be the newest installment of the Ghostbusters saga. That all of the viral marketing. All of the swerves about what the monster really was. All of it was just one giant "GOTCHA"! And that Cloverfield would be revealed to be Ghostbusters 3.

That's right. I had it all imagined on how it would play out in my mind. Being in the theater watching the shaky cam footage and then one of the twentysomethings say "We should call someone!!" Which would elicit a pessimistic response of "Who are we gonna call?" Then the Ghostbusters theme song would come blaring over the speakers accompanied by the familiar siren of the Ecto-1 as it powerslides onto the scene.

Think of the cheers in the theaters! Think of the sensation of being duped and never feeling happier about it in your entire life. It almost brings a tear to your eye. M. Night Shyamalan would open a vein because he would know that he could never top a twist like that.

It would make truckloads of money and would leave fanboys a sobbing, blubbering mess.

So, yeah, Cloverfield was good. But, you can see where I was a little teeny tiny bit disappointed.

Picture this...

2008-01-17T11:25:00.000-08:00

You walk into an empty gymnasium. You are a little confused as to why you are there. There is an unsettling quiet on the empty basketball court. So unsettling that at the risk of being cliche you utter the standard solitary "Hello?"

Suddenly, the doors audibly lock and bars slam shut over the windows. Needless to say your sense of unease has now escalated into full blown fear. The silence has dissipated into a low rumble. It grows steadily louder. Then it stops. Doors on each side of the gym burst open as kindergarteners flood the room. That's right 5 year olds. They are rushing at you like the infected in 28 Days Later. But these aren't regular 5 year olds. These are five year olds that are intent on taking you down. They are intent on killing you. They have been trained, programmed if you will, to kill. What do you do?

If you have ever wondered how you would fare in such a situation, good news! There is a website for you. It asks standard questions about your size, combat experience, and morality to come up with an estimate of how many 5 year olds you could incapacitate before you yourself were taken down.

My Number:
28

You may be thinking. Jeez Tanner, 28 is a lot. You really think you could knock out or otherwise incapacitate 28 little kids? If they were bloodthirsty, trained mercenaries, yes I could and I would!

You need to think according to the situation. Real world morality would fly right out the window in a crazy desperate spot such as this. I am imagining if I don't do something to defend myself a wave of these tikes will wash over me and when it subsides there will be nothing left of me but my bones picked clean. Can you imagine what it would be like to be pummeled to death by hundreds of tiny fists?

So if it is an army of them vs. me? Swing away. I would be a whirling dervish of pain not so much unlike the death blossom from The Last Starfighter.

What would you do? What are your thoughts? How would you do?

What? Another Blog?

2008-01-16T19:08:00.001-08:00

Yeah, I am a contributing author on the new music/video oriented blog 24 Lost Heroes. There are a couple of other faces that you might recognize over there as well.

I don't love you any less. I just know a good thing when I see it.

Macs are awesome part deux

2008-01-15T10:56:00.000-08:00

Yeah.

Macs are awesome

2008-01-14T10:48:00.000-08:00

I know that last post nerded it up pretty hardcore. But, I couldn't help but post a link to this awesome article regarding the designer for Apple, Jonathan Ive. And designer for Braun, Dieter Rams.

I mostly just really like Dieter Rams design philosophy outlined in the article. I guess he has a bunch of stuff at an exhibit at some cool museum in New York. Brigham, can I get some follow up?

Nerds only apply

2008-01-09T16:08:00.000-08:00

That is a rare Mary Worth where she advises a friend to commit suicide.- Comic Book Guy

I was talking to a group of friends and one of them said "Hey, I went to your favorite comic book store the other day." And I listed off two, maybe three of my favorite comic book stores before I finally hit the one they were talking about. That got me to thinking. Where do people go to find out which comic book store they should visit? Well, I can't say I have been to all of the comic book stores in the SFV and LA areas. But, I have been to a good amount. Enough for me to blog about it. So, here is a bunch of reviews of comic book stores.

Kings Comics

This one is the worst. It was clearly founded during the 90's comic book speculator boom that everyone jumped onto back then. This store is the reason that you have 5 issues of Spawn #1. (which by the way, if you want them to be worth more. Burn every copy you have except one. Scarcity) I don't even think they sell comics any more. They just sell Yu-Gi-Oh and Pokemon cards and Beckett guides.

Astounding Fantasy

This is where I go to pick up my weekly books. I went here and I wasn't too impressed with the set up. Really disorganized and a little lonely. But, it's better than Kings and the guy that runs the shop is really nice. Which is why I keep going back. Also, the owner is the guy that hosts the "Bi-Mon Sci-Fi-Con" at the Hilton near LAX

Legion Comics
This is a little bit above Kings in that they actually sell comics. Their selection is okay. But, there is zero to no atmosphere in the shop itself. It's also kind of dark. It reminded me of the portable classrooms from elementary school.

House of Secrets

I should have held out a little longer on deciding on a shop that I wanted my pull list to reside at because this is by far my favorite comic book store. And I found it like two months after I started getting my books regularly from Astounding. But, this store is awesome. The design and feel of the store is perfectly suited for a guy like me. They have every book you are looking for all displayed very conveniently. The music is always great. In fact, the fact that they play music puts them head and shoulders over most comic stores. The owner is really nice and his employees are all way cool and surprisingly normal. Plus, lots of industry types visit the store. I met Mike Carey there on accident. (Really, really, really, nice guy.) And every year have a comics by the pound sale. Where the clerks dress up like butchers and they sell comics by weight. Which is awesome. Supremely awesome.

Comics Factory

This one is more like a warehouse of comics. While I say that house of secrets has all the comics you are looking for, comics factory has every book you are looking for and many you aren't but they catch your eye and you end up with a bunch of crazy independent books. The clerks are generally cool, if a little impersonal. But, they always say "Hey guy, hows it going?" Which is nice. They also have an ancillary set-up for Anime rental with an unparalleled selection.

Secret Headquarters

I discovered this little gem at Sunset Junction two years ago when they first opened and I was really really impressed. They went the classy route where most would go the kitschy route. They have overstuffed leather chairs. Rich mahogany racks for the comics. And hardwood floors as opposed to the customary "dirty floor" that most comic book shops go for. It is in Silverlake so you can be sure that you can go there for the latest issue of that independent comic that talks about alienation and how the government totally sucks. However, you can take comfort knowing that you can also pick up your issue of "Spiderman loves Mary Jane" as well.

Golden Apple

This is Southern California's answer to New York's Midtown Comics. They have a lot of books. And the atmosphere is definitely impersonal. However, they are always having cool events. Lots of creators come out for signings and appearances. Their books tend to skew a bit more to the superhero side. Which is not a bad thing in anyway. However, due to the location of the shop (on Melrose) I think that it is a field trip/special occasion store.

Meltdown

This store has a crazy library of trade paperbacks. And their merchandise extends far beyond comics but it is never obnoxious like Kings. They sell, in addition to comics, Anime, Hong Kong cop movies, Japanese action movies, Korean horror movies, All Region DVD players, toys, art books. It can be a little overwhelming. But, if you are looking for anything in TPB form. This is the place to go. They also have awesome events that are held in their little gallery space behind the shop. This one is on Sunset so it also is definitely more of the field trip kind of store.

So there you have it. Those are all the comic books shops that I have visited. There are a a couple here in Burbank that I haven't gone to yet.(Blast from the Past, and Collectible Wizard) There is a store in Mar Vista that I have been meaning to go to. But, I am always around that part of town when it is after closing time.

Two out of three ain't bad

2007-12-17T12:23:00.001-08:00

I was talking about movie trilogies with Pete and we were trying to make a definitive list of "best trilogies." But, it is difficult because of one factor. The Godfather factor. Where the first two in the trilogy are so mindnumbingly awesome and then the third one, the last note that you hear from that series is so sour that it almost ruins the other two. You may be thinking, "Yeah, Tanner but how many trilogies does that actually happen?" Think about it. X-Men 1? Awesome. X-Men 2? Even better! X-Men 3? Meh.

Spiderman? Fantastic! One of my favorite movies. Ever. Spiderman 2? Some would say even better than the first! Spiderman 3? What the Ron Burgundy?

The Blade series? You may not like them at all but the first two had some semblance of quality and craftsmanship. But, then they taped Jessica Biel on to number 3 and the walls came a tumblin' down.

But, I think that there are some other trilogies that suffer due to poor sequels. The Indiana Jones trilogy (No, I am not counting the new one.) But, if I had seen Raiders and then went to see Temple of Doom on opening night I would have been pretty disappointed. Not to say that temple of doom was a bad movie. However, coming off of the greatest adventure movie of all time(Raiders of the Lost Ark) to Temple of Doom? A little disappointed. But, they put the series back on track with Last Crusade and thus the series left you with a good last memory.

Same can be said for the Die Hard trilogy(once again, I'm not counting the new one). Die Hard 1. The best action movie ever made. Die Hard 2? Ho hum. Same formula different location. But, like with the Indy series they got it back together for Die Hard 3.

SO! Taking into consideration all of the big trilogies. Then taking into consideration the Godfather factor. The best trilogies (in no particular order) of all time are:

Lord of the Rings

Yeah, they were long. But all three of them were great. All three of them were of the highest quality and you would be hard pressed to find the weak link of the series because all of the movies were so strong.

Star Wars

I'm talking the original trilogy. For my money this series should be divided into two trilogies. Because they are both so different. But, I digress. The original trilogy was awesome. Star Wars was great fun. Empire Strikes Back was even better and had Billy Dee Williams. And Return of the Jedi while it had Ewoks was freaking epic. Three strong enjoyable movies.

Now the dark horse...

Back to the Future

This one gets slept on. And it is unfortunate. I know my friends, if they are true friends, they will think about this trilogy as one of the best. But each one is awesome. First one? Awesome classic movie. Second one? Really great and introduced the best time travel dynamics in all of film history. That's right better even than Time Bandits or Ashton Kutcher's Butterfly Effect. Part 3? Really really good western comedy in the tradition of Shanghai Noon, Maverick, and Paul Hogan's Lightning Jack. But seriously, there is not one of these movies that isn't enjoyable and hasn't weaseled it's way into my daily conversation.

Plus, "The Jitz'll never find out!"

MTV

2007-11-19T11:43:00.000-08:00

So, back in 1981 MTV broke onto the scene playing such crazy things as popular music of the day set to moving pictures known as "videos." They held a corner of the music buying market that wasn't satisfied with just listening to music. They wanted to see what they were listening to. They wanted to see Ted Nugent rocking so hard as to repel bullets. They wanted to see Simon Le Bon searching for his tribal love interest like some jilted, androgynous, Indiana Jones. And for that group of people life was good when they were watching MTV.

Then, in 1992 they came out with one of the first reality shows ever and one of MTV first completely original show that didn't depend on music videos in The Real World. MTV then started to come out with more and more original programming including Road Rules, Beavis and Butthead, Liquid Television, and Daria. All of these shows were secondary to their primary focus of music videos and music related television. But they were radical and inventive.

In 1997, MTV came out with Total Request Live. This was when MTV started to move from the territory of edgy radicalism and into taste making. They were making and breaking music stars all with the power of interactivity with the public. By asking the public what they wanted to see they became the arbiters of what is cool and what is popular and current. Without this show we wouldn't have seen such ground breaking acts as 98 degrees, LFO, and Savage Garden. The successful and innovative animated shows were gradually, and bafflingly phased out and the reality shows were expanded and re-ran to the degree that they shared equal billing with the music videos.

However, complaints from hardcore music fans had been rolling in for years about the original programming taking up all the good music video watching time. So, MTV in order to placate the crazies came out with MTV2 which was the all-music all the time channel. Plus, they would play videos that one wouldn't necessarily have been played on MTV. With MTV2, MTV had a vice like grip on youth culture. They not only asked you what was cool, they told you what was cool. Not just with music. But, with clothing, movies, television, and retail. But, somewhere along the way they became what they were always so adamantly against. Old, and out of touch.

The MTV of today is a bloated pink and black mess covered in Mystic Tan that is trying desperately to tap into that youth culture dollar again. They are trying so hard to find out what is cool and what kids are into, not unlike a parent listening at the door when their child has a friend over to find out a way to use the hippest slang to connect with their kids. They are paid by companies to shout at the youth of America that their products are the best "AMPED MOBILE ROXX!", "COOL GUYS USE AXE BRAND BODY SPRAY!" They have obliterated their music video programming all in favor of reality programming. Some good (MADE), some bad (My Super Sweet 16), and all of them unnecessary and not related to music in anyway. Even MTV2 which used to be a haven of music videos has now become a channel for MTV re-runs and cast offs.

In fact, the market seeing that there was still a demand for Music Videos has created several alternatives that hearken back to MTV's days of yore (International Music Feed comes to mind.) It seems crazy to me that MTV would trade in a viable product with plenty of demand and minimal cost for an inferior one that costs exorbitant amounts of money to produce. And now in the age of the internet, music fans and artists aren't putting up with MTV shenanigans anymore. They are watching and distributing music videos via the internet. If you think I am wrong. I posit this question: How many of the music videos nominated in MTVs Video Music Awards did you actually see? Follow up question: How many of those did you see on the internet vs. MTV?

MTV has become the old dog trying to learn new tricks in trying to understand this "interwebs" that all the kiddies are using. MTV should be ashamed that they didn't think of itunes before Apple did. The old CEO of Viacom (the parent company of MTV) was fired because he didn't buy myspace when he had the chance. The MTV of old would not have had to buy myspace. They would have created myspace.

They have gone so far as to hire out for their "cool" stuff. Vice magazine's awesome internet television channel, Vice Broadcasting System, is financed by Viacom/MTV. With the stipulation that MTV have nothing to do with the content or advertising. Vice knowing that an MTV logo on their channel would kill credibility and would make Vice out of touch by association.

MTV for all its faults, For all of the shilling they did for record companies back in the day, they still at least had a creative and artistic product. Burgeoning film majors and directors could have something to aspire to, or at least a launching pad to bigger an better things. Bands could have an outlet for getting their music "out there." But, now? Music Television? Not so much.

Gotta post somethin'

2007-11-17T14:31:00.001-08:00

I figured I hadn't posted something in a while. So, why not post two things that have made me laugh til I almost peed in my pants. Ironically, they are both from Family Guy which I don't watch all that often. It's become a little crass for me... but still it has moments of genuine hilarity.

First one is a little gross. But extremely funny.

Next one is one of my favorite fights in Family Guy history... of which there are more than you might think. Backstory is Joe has been paralyzed from the waist down for the entire run of Family Guy. So, for one episode he got the use of his legs back. But he became a total jerk. He dumped his old friends and was going to leave his pregnant wife. So, the gang wanting their old friend back decide to take it upon themselves to rectify the situation.

Sorry for the strange background music... I couldn't find one without.

What kind of life

2007-11-09T14:59:00.000-08:00

I have often thought to myself, "What kind of life would your dream life be?" And the correct answer is "to have a loving and eternal family." And that is most of the time my answer. However, there is a little part of me that wants a lifestyle that would be truly epic and legendary. That people would find out about in my memoirs and people would say... "Wow, now that's living."

The kind of life that involves deep sea fishing on the Adriatic or Mediterranean. Parties with various diplomats and heads of state where I dazzle them with tales of my exploits as a big game hunter in Africa. Where exotic, dark haired, women littered about the world pine for my affections and are heartbroken but understanding when I must leave for different adventures. The kind of life where I am an honorary member of a South American tribe. The kind of life where I have encounters with people who become revolutionaries and world leaders and while I may not share their ideals they can't help but remember me fondly.

The kind of life that puts hair on the chest and fire in the belly. Where the Old Money Gentleman's club members all sit around in leather wing back chairs and ask me about my stocks in oil, electricity, and steel and I respond with a witticism about how I don't think about that because I am too busy worrying if Hurricane season will interrupt my skeet shooting trip to the Caribbean. The kind of life where I occasionally meet with business magnates for a few rounds of boxing. Where I have a black belt in Karate... that I got in Japan. Where my best friends are Iditarod racers or Le Mans drivers. Where my good friend the British Ambassador to Morroco is always asking me "Tanner, when are you going to settle down?" and sets me up on blind dates with classy women of privilege. The kind of life where for social occasions I always wear impeccable tweed suits that give off an air of class rather than self importance.

When I am too old to travel around I settle down in a large but not ostentatious house on either Lago di Como or Puget Sound to write my memoirs on a trusty analog typewriter. With many photographs of my achievements and adventures adorning my walls. Sketchbooks full of the world's most beautiful sights. With a tanned and weathered face that has wrinkles for each funny anecdote, each successful fishing trip. A gray mane of hair that portrays wisdom and experience. A beard not worn for humor or irony but because the nights get cold on the water. And I die with a smile on my face.

Yeah, that would be sweet.

Favorite things

2007-10-30T03:19:00.000-07:00

Some of my current favorites... Not all time. Just Current.

Favorite Commercial

Yeah.

Favorite Song

"I'm Not Going to Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You" by Black Kids

Hey, if the Cure's not going to do it then someone should.

Favorite Dance

Jumpstyle

Silly? Absolutely. But, it looks like so much fun that it doesn't matter what it looks like.

Favorite Halloween Costume

This year's Halloween costume is the best one I have worn in a long while. What is my costume you ask? Why a jolly lumberjack!

Props to Broek for thinking of it. It's awesome because it is very comfortable. I can party and dance while wearing it. It works for my body type and personality. That and people don't have to ask everyone's least favorite question to answer on Halloween "What are you?"

Hook, line, and mother effing sinker.

2007-10-24T00:46:00.000-07:00

I was starting to feel pretty good about myself. I mean the number of TV shows that I was watching was starting to decline. What with no new shows that I really like or really put forth effort to see. So, I figured that I would have this TV thing licked. I could use all that free time to do productive things. Like write on my blog. But, one of the shows that I passed by a few years ago has come out to bite me in the rear.

Frickin' HBO's The Wire. It is basically a show that came out like four or five years ago as a space filler for people that happened to leave the channel on HBO after watching The Sopranos. And I regarded it as such. "HA!" I said, "HBO I'm too smart for you. You can't trick me into watching a new show." And then I went on my mission and came back and I have been hanging around ever since.

But, people I knew. Whose opinions I respected, kept saying how awesome "The Wire" was. The first two seasons were OnDemand and I figured "what the hey." And I am not one of those people that likes police procedural dramas. I eschew all the CSIs and Law & Orders. I hated NYPD Blue. The only other show that I like that comes close is The Shield. But, The freaking Wire puts all of those other shows to shame. Like the sun does to candlelight. It is about what I imagine real police work is like. Politics, undercover sting operations, paperwork. They make the paperwork and boring grunt work fun and interesting to watch!

This has happened to me before. Battlestar Galactica. The new one. I heard it was great. I thought "Aren't I nerdy enough without having to watch Battlestar Galactica?" Well, I watched it and I have watched every frame that they have shot leading up to the new season starting in a couple of months.

Twin Peaks. Me and some other friends started watching this on wednesday nights. We all became addicted. Like, hardcore "I have got the itches" addicts to Twin Peaks. We watched both seasons and the movie. And we all cried ourselves to sleep knowing that we will never see the resolution to season 2's mind squashingly awesome cliffhanger.

So, I would like to hear what some TV shows you, my faithful readers, at first were reluctant to watch. But, then got suckered into it and have never looked back.

Imagine, blah, blah, blah.

2007-10-19T00:10:00.000-07:00

I got the Jack Johnson cover of John Lennon's "Imagine." Because I enjoy Jack Johnson's singing voice (I find it soothing) and I kinda like the Beatles. But, I never realized how bad this song is. It is so annoying. I think that it has gone on so far into the public psyche due to the fact that so many baby boomers run things and they are constantly atwitter about what a great songwriter/person John Lennon was. And how he was like the hippie messiah (He was martyred and everything!). But, this song is repetitive and basically is about how we should all be like John Lennon. "Grow beards and stay in bed everyone!" I'd rather grow a mustache and get a job. Thanks, John.

It should basically say things like "Imagine not believing in anything. Imagine not having any individual identity. Imagine not having varying opinions. Imagine depending on everyone else for your own personal well being." I remember hearing this song when I was a small child and hearing the line "Imagine there is no heaven" and it made me cry. So, way to make little kids cry, Lennon.

Some of you may be thinking. "But, Tanner, all he is saying is give peace a chance!" But, how big of a champion for peace can he be if he can't even keep a band together?

I don't dislike the Beatles. They have many songs that are very enjoyable. Mostly, their earlier works. But, I feel that John Lennon started believing his own press. and I start wondering how many other things that are generally considered truisms but are really just a lot of bunk.

Is Led Zeppelin really the best hard rock band ever?

Is Alan Moore really the best comic book writer ever?

Is Citizen Kane really the best movie ever?

Is Modern Art really that good?

So, I guess I have John Lennon to thank for that. He really did expand my thought process. Because of his title of "best songwriter ever" and me crying shenanigans on it. I started to think for myself in some regards. Instead of just taking it as fact that he is the end all be all of songwriters I will say it loud and proud that I think Billy Joel is a better songwriter than John Lennon. Heck, I think Neil Diamond is a better songwriter than John Lennon.

In conclusion, I feel Vice Magazine said it best when they said "Despite claims of being a 'working class hero' after he'd salted away millions, and in spite of his prophet-of-peace shtick even though he was an overweening sourpuss who couldn't even get along with his bandmates or wives, this sanctimonious junkie is still embraced as a beacon of childlike truth-seeking."

Did he deserve to be shot down in the street? Absolutely not. But, did he deserve the accolades of greatest songwriter ever with songs like "She loves you yeah yeah yeah" and "All you need is love love. Love is all you need."? Probably not.

Good News Everyone!

2007-10-17T01:09:00.000-07:00

It's finally here! For those of you like to drink till you throw up but don't like to waste so much time and money on 10 beers! Budweiser presents Chelada. The first beverage to combine Clamato (which is a disgusting amalgamation in its own right.) and Beer!

Who gave this a pass?! More importantly, who would pay for this sick bastard child of horrifying awfulness? I don't drink and Budweiser is not helping convert anyone with this product.

Let's break this down. First you have tomato juice. To which someone thought, "this needs fish!" Then someone wasn't satisfied with that and they said "let's mix it with beer!" Honestly, this is up there with what Patton Oswalt calls "The KFC Failure Bowl" You know what I am talking about. The bowl of Mashed potatoes, corn, chicken, cheese, and gravy. Oh and a biscuit. I think I just threw up in my mouth.

Next thing you know someone is going to come out with something called the slop bucket and it will just contain little bits of all kinds of food and you have to eat it out of the family trough. It's like animal farm in reverse.

But, as far as what Tanner drinks if he doesn't drink Alcohol?

Oooo Hoooo Witchy Woman...

2007-10-01T18:03:00.000-07:00

No need to mince words. 5 Chanteuses that I would like to go on dates with and make some bad decisions with. These are the really talented girls in a world of music by trannies like The Pussycat Dolls and other pop starlets that are more style than substance. But these 5 are more talent than looks. But they are all really hot too.

#5: Regina Spektor

She is super talented and she does some daring stuff with her music. And it is always quirky and beautiful. But look how adorable she is! Winking at the camera!

#4: That Girl from Arcade Fire

Régine Chassagne. Yeah, She's Canadian. But hey! She is cute as a button. And I saw her at the Arcade Fire concert and she plays like 90% of the instruments they have. And she is a good singer and dancer.

#3: M.I.A.

Mathangi "Maya" Arulpragasam. I don't normally dig on the Sri Lankan ladies. But, MIA is fine! And she makes great dance music. Not the best singer in the world. However, what she lacks in singing she makes up for in dancing and moxie!

#2: That Girl from Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Karen O. Yeah, she has that "I'll probably cut you in your sleep" kind of vibe about her. But, I don't know what it is about her. The hair. The clothes. The Rock-i-tude. I heard that she was dating Spike Jonez. Which would be awesome. But then I heard they broke up... I don't know what to believe.

And the coveted #1 spot. Could there be any other? It's you Jenny... It's always been you.

Jenny Lewis from Rilo Kiley. Stone. Cold. Fox. I'll leave it at that because I don't want to ramble. Beautiful singer. Really talented. How about some more pics?

::Sigh::

Honorable Mention: That girl Hayley Williams from Paramore. She is a surprisingly great singer. And she doesn't seem like an idiot like Avril Lavigne.

So sad... so very sad.

2007-09-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

I'm not sad right now but there are times when I really enjoy feeling sad. Which is kind of funny when you think about it. But, I was listening to this episode of This American Life And there is a portion where Saralee Kine talks about all her favorite sad sack songs.(also if you listen to the episode there is a heartbreaking story about a little girl coming to grips with her parents divorce. Seriously, HEART-BREAKING.) Kate had linked this episode on her blog and she also provided a link to Phil Collins' "Against All Odds." Which is a great song. But it made me think, "What are the best sad songs that I have?" So here is a list! Hurray!

I'm going to try to make this run on a scale of emotion. As in how sad is this? Do I believe the singer when they sing about how sad they are?

First up is Air Supply's "All Out of Love"- A little on the cheesy side. But still kind of cathartic. But there are certain lines that really hit the heartstrings.("It gets harder each day","thinking of you till it hurts") I don't know if I really believe that the dudes from Air Supply are that bummed out. But, its a good one.

Then we have "La Petite Fille de la Mer" by Vangelis - This song translates to "The Little Mermaid" and if you know the original story of the little mermaid you know that Disney took its share of liberties with the story so as to not have a rash of suicide nationwide to the depressing nature of the story. But, this song really portrays the feeling of the original story. Really cold, really sad. Good stuff. If it is raining outside when you listen to it. Even better.

Next up, is the Prince written "Nothing Compares to you" by Sinead O'Connor. Her only hit. I think that this one requires seeing the video of the song because it is so good. And has the most realistic shedding of a tear I have ever seen in a music video. They must of been holding up pictures of dead puppies or orphans and stuff behind the camera to get her to do that. Here's the video.

Now we're getting to the sad stuff. "Bring it on home to me" by Sam Cooke. Now this is the definition of a torch song. Also, the sweet, soulful voice of Sam Cooke seems utterly believable when he is begging and pleading for his sweet lady to come back to him. "You know I'll always be your slave/till I am buried in grave" That is some sad stuff.

Then there is Otis Redding's "These Arms of Mine." Similar to Sam Cooke. Otis's soul pulls this song from schmaltz into genuine heartache. So much of this song is just carried on the expression in the voice of the singer. And that is a remarkable thing. Also, it was in Roadhouse starring St. Patrick of Swayze.

The all time saddest song ever in the history of songs. "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton. Imagine a conversation between any other songwriter and Eric Clapton comparing their sad song to "Tears in Heaven" I think it would probably go something like this:

Song Writer: "Hey I wrote a sad song. I think it is pretty sad."
Eric Clapton: "What's it about?"
SW: "It's about a time when I girlfriend dumped me. I was really sad."
EC: "Yeah, I know what that's like. I remember I was really sad when my 4 year old son died by falling out a 53rd story window."
SW: "...Really?"
EC: "Yeah, I remember being so wracked with sorrow that he died at such a young age that I thought he wouldn't recognize me if I were to meet up with him after this life."
SW: "...::sobs::"
EC: "But, I am sure that your song is pretty sad too."

I remember when my Mom told me what this song was about when I was a little boy. I bawled. It is so sad and so personal that you feel like you have walked in on something very tragic and very intimate. I don't even like to listen to this song when I am sad because it is about a sadness that is so deep that I can't even fathom what it would be like. It is instant perspective.

I am not prone to being a sad guy. But, sometimes you need that moment to wallow. And it feels good. I'll try to come up with more lists of songs that aren't so sad bastardish.

Concert-o-mania

2007-09-22T22:42:00.000-07:00

My concert t-shirt collection has grown substantially over the past couple of weeks. The first show I went to was Hall and mothereffing Oates! Yeah, that Hall and Oates. It was a really good show. They started it right off with Maneater. Which was surprising because I would assume that they would want to save the bigger hits for later in the show. Then they worked their way into such awesome tunes as "One on One", "She's Gone", "I Can't Go for That", and "Sara Smile." (Which Daryl Hall prefaced with the now immortal phrase "This is a song about simplicity in a complicated world.") Then they hit everyone with a cover of Marvin Gaye's "What's Going On?" And did one heckuva job. Followed by "Rich Girl", and "You Make My Dreams." But the coup de gras for me, personally, was the cover of Billy Paul's "Me and Mrs. Jones." One of the best soul songs in the world. And one of my all-time favorite songs. It had maximum effect because I had no idea that they were going to do that song. While it did have some GLARING oversights on the setlist ("Portable Radio", "Kiss on my List", "Did It in a Minute", "Out of Touch", "Method of Modern Love", and most shockingly, "Private Eyes" were not played.)

The next show I attended was Justin Timberlake at the Staples Center. I know what most of you are thinking."But Tanner, I thought you liked women." I am here to tell you that straight dudes can like JT too. In fact, if you listen to his new album it almost all about getting with fine dime pieces. If you are quick to write off Justin Timberlake as a boy bander only. Well you are missing out on one of the best showmen of our time. The show was electric. The screams, deafening. The music was awesome and super danceable. He played all of his own hits, most of his new album, and one *NSync song ("Gone" because I think he wrote it.). The guy must run the equivalent of a marathon when on stage performing. And while I wasn't a huge fan of a lot of his new songs they have kind of grown on me. I had watched the concert he had on HBO and it was basically the same. However, J Tims knowing that the key to being a great entertainer is playing to your audience, added a little west coast to the show by performing an impromptu version of "California Love" and performing the preferred dance of incarcerated gang members across Southern California, LA's own C-walk. He did it better than any white guy I have ever seen. And the crowd went nuts.

Then on Thursday I went to see LCD Soundsystem and Arcade Fire at the Hollywood Bowl. It was sublime. LCD Soundsystem kicked out the dance jams. And thanks to them I have my favorite concert tee ever. And Arcade Fire rocked one of the coolest concerts I have ever seen. The lights, the projections, but most importantly the music. I think I saw a glockenspiel up on stage. They played almost every instrument ever made up there. Pipe organ, bass clarinet, this weird organ grinder/violin thing. It made for an amazingly rich concert experience. And so many of their songs are uber participatory so needless to say, my voice was shot by the end of the night. But, living the rock and roll lifestyle that I do I went out dancing at La Cita. Man, that place has gotten so much better since they opened the bar in the back. It makes more room on the dancefloor. Yeah, pretty good couple of weeks if I do say so myself.

Like freight train... It's a-comin'

2007-09-22T13:44:00.000-07:00

So, my wife is gonna cheat on me. I just know it. And I have since accepted it. Don't get me wrong, I am not going to make this a self fulfilling prophecy or anything by constantly reminding my wife of this knowledge of the inevitable or looking at her waiting for her to screw up. I am gonna keep on doing my thing. But, its like one of those things you just know is gonna happen. Like when you are in line in P.E. picking teams and you think to yourself "oh man, I'm gonna get picked next." You have no real evidence or proof or anything that it is going to happen. I just know it will.

Yeah, everyone knows that when they get married they will have problems. Some people know that they will argue with their spouse about how they like their toothpaste squeezed out of the tube. Or whether they place the toilet paper on the roll in over hand or under hand fashion. I just know that my wifes gonna cheat on me.

I guess the only real question is how I am going to react. Can I get mad if I know it is going to happen? Will the marriage be worth working for? Can we really work it out? Will it be something I did or will just be a momentary lapse in judgment on my wife's part?

So will I avoid marriage so as to avoid this unfortunate fate? Will I close myself off to the fairer sex so as to not submit myself to this pain? Not a chance. Because you take the good with the bad. I am just hoping that I can make enough good times so as to outweigh the bad. Plus, anything worth having is worth working at and fighting for. Plus, what good is avoiding something because there may be problems? I know when I wake up everyday that there are going to be problems. But, that doesn't stop me from leaving the house and going about my business. Why? Because today may be the day when the good outweighs the bad. And I can go to bed thinking. Man, that was a good day. So why would marriage, or anything else for that matter, be any different?

But, hey, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Real Sensitive... jerk.

2007-09-08T11:52:00.000-07:00

I promise that this will be the last post about things that people put on their cars that bothers me. But, has anyone else seen these cars with memorial stickers on them? You know what I am talking about. The Toyota Tacoma with a decal of the words "In Loving Memory of Shawn Robles 1969-1997" in the back window.

Pretty ridiculous. Simply because how can you dedicate something so transitory to someone you profess to care about so much? And what are you exactly dedicating to that person? Are you dedicating your car? The act of driving? Your car payments? I can see some dude writing out his car payment for the month and looking to the sky and saying "This 500 dollars is for you buddy!" right before he seals the envelope.

Cars shouldn't be dedicated to people's memories because what are you going to do when you have to sell that car or scrap it? Can you imagine someone trying to sell an engraved headstone or a memorial statue? That's essentially what you are doing when you dedicate your car to someone's memory... unless you are going to put on the decal "Dedicated to the memory of Ryan Wheelright until 102,000 miles." Then it would be cool.

And why is it on the back? Shouldn't it be dangling from their rear view so they can pay their respects? Or are they trying to force everyone driving behind them to pay their respects to the fallen chum? If so, then, hey screw you jerk. I pay my respects to whom I please. Or maybe it is similar to those baby on board dealies. Like instead of saying "Oh I have a baby. Don't hit me!" its like "Oh my friend or family member died. Don't hit me!"

But is there an acceptable time to put a dedicatory decal on your car? Yes, but I can only think of two times when it is okay. A few years ago in Burbank a police officer was killed in the line of duty. He was shot on a drug bust. He was the first officer to die in the field in like 50 years. So, the police department put a small discrete decal in the lower left of the rear window of all the police cruisers that said "In loving memory of Officer Matthew Pavelka." Why is that okay? Because that's something everyone can and should get behind. The guy was a hero. He died serving and protecting the commonwealth of Burbank.

The other acceptable time when the memorial sticker is okay isn't as noble as the first but it is understandable. It would be cool if you had an "in memoriam" sticker on a car that you purchased via some type of windfall. My grandpa died and left me 30 grand. I'm gonna buy a Kia spectra and I'll let everyone know how I got it. Or my cousin died via the gross incompetence of a major airline so I am going to buy a car with the settlement money and dedicate the car to the memory of my poor eviscerated cousin.

But, other than that... I think it is a lame duck attempt to remember your fallen comrade. Just go visit their grave site.

Wow. 1000? Really?

2007-08-28T18:53:00.001-07:00

I bought my 1000th song on itunes. That's right, I have spent a little under one thousand dollars on itunes. There have been good times (Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins), Awesome times (David Bowie and Arcade Fire Live), and smooth times (Andrew Gold's "Thank You for Being a Friend.")

What was my 1000th song? I am proud to say that it was "Love Man" by Otis Redding. I have been on an Otis Redding jag as of late. And I am loving it. He is great to listen to when you are really bummed. And I love listening to his music when I am down. You think that those little emo boys know what pain and heartbreak are like? They aren't on their knees begging, plee-e-e-e-eading "Baby come home."

But in the case of "Love Man"? Great dance tune. Even better tune to get ready for a party to.

Au Revoir, Mon Claire

2007-08-27T18:42:00.000-07:00

Claire Pritchett is a good friend of mine and she is also really smart and awesome. And unfortunately for Southern California she moved to France. Paris, France. Sad. But, we had lots of good times before she left. In fact almost the whole weekend was dedicated to giving Claire an awesome send off. First thing is we went to The Wooden Spoon for dinner last Thursday.

They serve Brazilian food that is really good. I had a grilled turkey burger with yam fries... delicious.

Look how loved Claire is!

After dinner we all kind of stood around outside the restaurant. I'm sure some would say it was loitering... but loitering was never this cool.

Then we went to Dance Right to get our wiggle on. As shown below:

I have a new Dance move. Its hard to describe other than gentlemanly, yet in touch with what is hip. Here is the best we could capture it:

Then on Friday we had an awesome party at Claire's apartment. On the roof. It truly was on fire. Yet, water wasn't required. We let that mother burn.

National Geographic was on the ones and twos. He's gonna be big folks. Trust me. He played an excellent set that fit every mood and vibe you could hope for at this party. On point.

So Claire, We'll miss you. Hope that the French's inherent cowardly nature doesn't wear off on you... or their body odor... or their feminine armpit hair... gross.